by statesofminds

Created on: April 17, 2008

I silently cursed the heavy night rain which began again in earnest. I was not upset by the rain, but it proved a harmless scapegoat to direct my many frustrations toward. Most were work related and since I worked so much, life related. Little did I know that my frustrations would lead me to an insight that would change my life, starting with a breakthrough that evening.

For the preceding months, I had been bothered by something I could not put my finger on; that I could not decipher my own feelings only multiplied my frustrations. I had finally figured out that I was upset because I had no idea why I remained at that job. I worked at a wilderness facility for at-risk youth; I headed the department that ensured everyone and everything was kept safe and secure at night- simple sounding in principle, but complex and difficult to the point of near impossibility in reality.

My situation could be summarized quickly. I worked twelve or more hours a night for ten hours pay; I could not keep staff long enough to adequately train them for many reasons, which meant that in order to cover their slack I either needed to use people from another (already over-stressed department from the day shift) or cover the shifts myself; the company had limited resources and so ordered me to cut off my overtime, so if I chose to save the other department, I would be working by "choice" for free.

Since our facility's main objective matched my own objective of helping these boys, my "choice" was less difficult than most would think. Of course the best way to handle the problems was to put their needs first. When I began "volunteer" service, the positive aspects of doing so outweighed the negative, but after six months, the tide was changing. Six months of working nearly every day for about half of the pay I should have received and circumstances forcing me to remain awake for sometimes days on end let very little chance of breaking the stress.

My subconscious side was pushing me onward even while my logical mind railed against the self imposed abuse. When my logical mind rebelled, frustrated over the situation, I would brainstorm solutions that would enable me to overcome a problem without taking shortcuts. I would play devil's advocate with each idea, troubleshooting all effects of the choice, good and bad. I soon began to see that even a small change that affected one person had the potential to affect the world. This led me to ponder the world philosophically.

I saw that everything

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>