by Catherine Brown

Created on: April 17, 2008

Bitter is the wound and broken is the vessel.
We were family and then you tore my world apart,
leaving me alone with your angry words
and the violent aftermath of unexpected betrayal.

Your departure left a deep, dark hole.
Unexpected and unwelcome I wandered into
turbulent days and
tear-filled nights without sleep,
as my emotions see-sawed between anger and overwhelming grief.

And creeping like cancer came the dreaded thought:
"Let go. Stop loving."
Oh the depths a broken heart can plumb to in self-preservation.
I justify loathing because I am weakened from life's assault.
And the monster of betrayal stood proud as it plundered our once sweet friendship.
Depraved and insatiably hungry; desperate to destroy.

Your going was like death to me, but without a body we grieve endlessly.
Somewhere out there you are living a life unknown to me.
Do you know how empty that makes me feel?
You deny me in your pain-filled determination to escape my love.

Abandoned. Cast off. Rejected.
Can I ever trust again?
I want to call you Judas, but mercy prevails.
The violence of betrayal has taken enough.
It has taken too much of us already,
Snatching our dreams with duplicity and dread.

Jesus wept. He was betrayed. He felt the pain I feel now
and with thorns and nails embedded in His heart and hands
he drove a hard bargain.
So that I could forgive you.

I long to see you as I once did without the twisted look of pain etched on your face
that drills deep down into your eyes.
I know you feel guilty, but your lips betray the inner quest for reconciliation.
Your rebellious heart my son, will one day find a resting place of peace.

There was only one Judas;
Condemned to betray.
Destined to die a brutal suicide;
Thank God that is not you.
Thank God it is not me.
Truth and time become entwined in transforming love.
Troubled days will accede to the humility of the second chance.
Betrayal is buried in conquering love.
Triumph of the Ages.

"After he had said this, Jesus was troubled in spirit and testified, "I tell you the truth, one of you is going to betray me" John 13:21

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