by Heather Foster

Created on: April 17, 2008

As I sit here at my computer, drinking iced tea and munching on gummy cinnamon candies, I am also chewing on the problem of being unemployed. Three months, twelve temporary agencies and no job snarl at my heels in a pack of unpaid bills, collection calls, and frustration. So I do the one thing I can do, as I sit here munching on both something sweet and something sour. I write.

Writing is the one thing my relatives can't take away from me with comments designed to undermine my self worth and my confidence. Knowing that writing is something I do fairly well, I vent my feelings, indulge my imagination, fly my fantasies to other worlds, and escape the hurt of being me.

Having every dream stomped on, run over by tanks and steamrollers, and shot down by anti me fire every day of my life has kept me from trying many things. Once, I dreamed about going to Kentucky and working with racehorses, I spoke that dream aloud and immediately got told, "You don't know anything about that! They'd never hire you."

Another time I spoke of a dream of owning my own fabric shop. That earned the broad statement, "You don't know how to run a business!". Many other similar instances slapped me around as well. Going back to a job that I'd lost, without even knowing why until much later, I heard "Don't screw it up this time." After regaining employment, at the same company, I found out later that it had not been my screw up' that had caused the loss. Another temporary, the agency owner's daughter, had told lies about me, to mommy, and made me lose the job because she'd overheard managers talking about hiring me into a full-time position. The second time around I got hired anyway and had a nice long run being employed and paying my own way. That sure felt good!

Then the bottom dropped out, my job got packed up and shipped overseas, and I was back seeking employment again. Even though I got a great recommendation there were no jobs available, and the situation has just gotten worse.

Praying for answers has given me no signs of where to go from here. Applications online yield no answers either. Temp agencies give me the same message, weekly, that there are no jobs, but I'm on the list. Unfortunately the only list I know of is the one my life is taking, listing to one side and trying to sink.

Politicians keep saying they are going to help me by giving me universal healthcare, that I'd have to pay for, higher taxes, that I can't pay now, and more of the current tax dollars being wasted on

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