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Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?

My answer to this statement is no.

There are far too many reasons why people cheat to begin with to be able to cover it with a blanket statement like this.

In my professional practice as a Relationship Coach, I speak to literally thousands of people on all sides of this relationship dilemma.

I find that the primary reason for women to cheat is that they are "piggy-backing" their relationships. Frequently they are caught up in a codependent cycle and cheat on their primary relationship in the pursuit of a new partner.

Once a new partner has been successfully attained, these women typically return to monogamous behavior, and as long as the current relationship remains satisfying, they remain faithful.

When men cheat, they are more frequently doing so for sexual gratification, and although there are many men who enjoy and pursue relationships that are explicitly sexual outside of their primary relationship, I also find men that actually do fall in love with the other woman.

At times, they are unable to leave the primary relationship due to familial obligations and maintain concurrent relationships, thus prolonging a state of infidelity, however, there are men who want to follow their hearts' desire and leave their primary relationship to begin a new primary relationship with the other partner.

Because a relationship starts while one,(or both), partners are being unfaithful to someone does not automatically preclude them to repeating the pattern.

It also holds true that if someone has cheated on you in the past, they are not necessarily going to continue to cheat moving forward, as long as the core issue that initially caused the cheating is resolved.

If a former cheater is happy and satisfied it is highly unlikely that they will wander again.

What prevents a cheater from cheating again is understanding the root cause of why the cheating occurred in the first place. Yes, there are habitual cheaters, but these are the minority not the majority.

The majority of "cheaters" do so because there is a dissatisfaction in their current relationship, remove that dissatisfaction and you no longer have a cheater.

Learn more about this author, Brigid Bishop.
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