by Donna Wesson

Created on: April 16, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

The initial feeling when hear or know a loved one is passing or has passed is utter disbelief.
You cannot fathom the thought that, they are no longer here on earth. You will not hear their voice or see their smile nor the glisten in their eyes.It is no describing that very moment of the news a loved one is gone.

My first experience was when I was five years old or so, my great-grand mother passed.I did not truly comprehend what was going on. I knew I would sleep with her on over nites and she

combed my hair.When she passed I had to go to her services, as a child fear,confusion and not
understanding is what filled my little being. I do not know why at that age I was exposed to this part of life. I can say a child under eight yrs. of age and maybe older I wouldn't subject them to this part of life. I will not linger on the subject of appropriate age for death to be the center of topic.

I have lost my grand-parents on both my mother and father sides.My father passed before my mother.I have lost my older brother. When my mother passed it was a shock to my very being.She passed after surgery in a hospital. When the doctor asked the immediate family members to step inside a room, I knew instantly she was gone. My legs got weak and all of a sudden I could not breathe.I just wanted to follow her.It was incomprehensible, that my best friend, confidante, mentor was gone. The first year after her death, I reflect I had a controlled nervous break down.I moved away from home and stayed gone for twenty years. I felt I coudn't breathe the air there. I didn't want to see anything that would remind me of her physical presence.I felt there was no reason for me to stay in this city. Reflecting ,I blamed the city for my lost. I have only recently returned home to live out the remaining years of my life.

Though death is a natural part of the circle of life, it is still heart wrenching when a loved one passes. However, I have come to realize and appreciate the fact, in order to die you must live, and in order to live you must die. It is the natural order of things and we must enjoy what there is to enjoy and suffer what there is to suffer, recognizing joy and suffering as facts of life.

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