by Amanda Blank

Created on: April 16, 2008

"Trust Takes Time"

I do my best thinking in unusual places, like the shower, specifically while singing in the shower. There I was cranking out Gloria Gaynor under the steamy spray and mid belt I had a bit of a revelation. It came to me faster than the thought that standing in the shower with my mouth open was a bad idea. After coughing out my last bubble I returned to my thought processes. What is it in our lives that gives us the will to survive our situations? What should motivate us to rise above our circumstances and how do we find this motivation? Of course, the quick, "churchy" answer is God. But is He who we really turn too? I say that I pray about my situations (don't get me wrong, that's true) but do I truly believe that what I'm praying is worth anything? I am realizing that maybe I depend a little too much on people in my life to help heal me. Along the lines of, I have a problem, I admit that I have a problem, I tell my friends, I get their advice, maybe I try it, maybe I get better, but most of the time I'm still left with pieces. These pieces build up over time, scratching my heart, tainting my emotions, clouding my judgment. It's kinda like walking through a brier patch in the woods. Everything's rough and raw and terrible, then when you get through it you ask about a dozen people if you tore your clothes somewhere or if you have prickers stuck to your butt. They all help you clean up a little, but I guarantee if you walk around in those clothes for a few days you'll find there are still thorns there that you missed. Oh, you may not notice them right away, but when your guard is down and you sit a certain way suddenly that stupid little thorn sticks you in the rear! And no matter how many times you search for the source of the problem, all you come up with is lint.

My point is that I've been thinking the past couple weeks about why I feel the way I do about myself, and life in general and I'm starting to realize something. There have been painful moments in my life, some of them bigger than others, but there isn't one gigantic horrid thing that I can blame for all my problems. It's been a build up. I keep going through that same darn woods and keep collecting those annoying prickers but never really dealing with them. So I think that it's time for a change,I have been blessed with so many dear friends that have been there for me, but I need to go to the true source of healing, The Great Physician for my soul. I'm hoping that He'll teach me how to change out of my prickly hiking clothes. I figure that since God's the one who made me then He knows best what I need. I just don't know why it took me so long to come to that conclusion. Now if only He would teach me how to circumvent those briers in the woods altogether!"

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