by Cynthia Myskey

Created on: April 16, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

Dealing with loss can be a really hard thing, but when its the loss of a child then how do you do it? I can tell you. I am a mother who lost my 19 month old baby boy three years ago. I admit that there is nothing easy about it but I have seemed to survive. I am a tough person on the inside and I guess you could say that is part of what has helped me.

It all started when my son came down with bacterial meningitis and got deathly sick. It all hit us in one single day and by the time that we knew he was sick it was nearly to late. My boy lived for exactly seven days after becoming ill. He was put into a medically induced coma and was in the Pediatrics Intensive Care Unit. This is a sight that I wish NO parent ever have to witness. He lived through some challenges that would be hard for adults to get through. We got through each and everyday thinking and hoping that he would pull out and be OK. They did give us a 20% chance that he would live. I kept seeing him, in my mind of course, getting better and coming home with me and his dad.

The final day came and of course it was a nightmarish one. I was in the room with him when everything went to pieces. It felt like my whole world had collapsed and that I was in a dream but I couldn't get out! My baby was dying and there wasn't anything that I could do to help him. I am a mother and that is what we do, RIGHT? You don't realize what how hard it is to hold on when all you can do is let go. And even though I was aching inside over my baby boy, all I could think about was that it was my husbands birthday. Yes, thats what I said. Our son died on my husbands birthday and that was absolutely awful! I kept thinking that he wouldn't survive this because that little boy was his life and to happen on that day just didn't seem right.

Now getting through each day is a healing process. I admit I am strong but I don't think that I could have gotten through it without my husband. I think when a tragedy strikes like this you have to rely on any shoulder. We relied on each other because who knew better about what we were going through than us? We talked with each other and cried with each other but we had each other. Anyone who has to deal with this please let anyone help you. Talk about it , write about it, or cry about it, but never let it build within you, because that is a bomb just waiting to explode. I have went through the last three years wondering what I could have done or not done but that isn't the answer either. No matter what happens in life it was Gods plan, and to question that gets you absolutely nowhere except feeling guilty and lonely. Never take for granted that you have tomorrow, because the slightest surprise can come before tomorrow does. Be with your family and love them but when something like this happens to you or someone you know turn to family.

Like I said I hope that no one ever goes through what my husband and I have, but I know that wont happen in this cruel world. So please talk to someone, hold someone, or what ever else that can help you to get over it. Life is to short to ask all the questions that you will never get the answers to. Love your family and remember that they are borrowed on borrowed time and cherish every second that God allows us to have!

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