by codehappykid

Created on: April 16, 2008

Sure, Bob, let's deplete our savings and take second jobs so we can have a home in a pristine natural environment. That way, we can be at a higher risk of losing everything when it all burns down around our ears! Everything about this plan is good and there are no problems. Besides, we'll have enormous monthly insurance premiums in place to cover our costs if the house burns down. It'll be a constant source of worry, but I was talking with the customer service lady at Winn-Dixie and she said that can be good for your health. Besides, if there's a fire at night, the kids will wake us up, so everything will be okay.

Really, I don't know why everybody isn't doing this. I mean, think about all the people who decided to live in California! They're the *real* high rollers, I mean, come on. Hello - earthquakes? I almost burned down the kitchen one time making yogurt, so I'm totally prepared for wildfires.

As long as we're doing this, though, I think we should import a native tiger from Bangthedesk and also a panda from Peru. I've always wanted a man-eating tiger and a panda; I think they would get on well together. We could let the kids play with the tiger like little circus people. Then, I can call my old friend Sarah and tell her everything we've done - oh, she'll be *so* jealous! I think she's got a modest home in some suburb - booring!

Just in case, though, we probably should bring some sleeping bags and two tents. Whenever the house burns down, we can go outside and set them up! It'll be just like camping. We could roast hotdogs and marshmallows for S'mores, and we wouldn't have to worry about tending the fire! We could invite all our neighbors over for a house-burning party. In fact, if we get enough warning, we can plan it ahead of time and make it a potluck. It would be super-nice. Then we'd all go to sleep and in the morning, we would look over the ashen foundation of our beautiful house and say to one another, "Guess we'll submit an application to FEMA!" And then we'd laugh, and then we'd sigh and wonder where we parked.

Eat yer heart out, Oprah!

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