by Lisa Rayne

Created on: April 16, 2008   Last Updated: November 24, 2008

When my mind wanders, it goes to Barcelona.

The memories bring me back to a time in my life of great passion, ease, and happiness. I came and went as I pleased. Good friends and new experiences existed in abundance. My skirts rippled in the Mediterranean breeze. There could be dirt from the city streets or sandy rocks between my toes depending on the time of day. I was in love, and it was rapturous.

Funny how a time of great joy could be coupled by utter turmoil. It was not just a city that I loved but also a man. This man I turned my whole heart to, who later spilled it all over the floor. Maybe it was the city that I turned to find solace for my aching heart. Perhaps, the city was my wanton lover when my true love had abandoned us in his mind all the while going through dispassionate motions.

This could explain why music such as Pink Floyd's Dark Side of The Moon, bands like Bright Eyes and The Strokes remind me wholeheartedly of Spain. It's lyrics of the Strokes "Barely Legal" that take me back to a time when the only aspect of life I could control was getting through the everyday. Yesterday and tomorrow were time frames measured as "before Spain" and "after Spain" because those would be times I could measure being with Brett. As long as I could hang on to that knowledge, the time in between was a survival of the fittest between my heart, my body, and my mind. Music became my refuge and defines so many moments of my emotional time line throughout Barcelona, as illustrated by the lyrics to follow:

Oh, I didn't take no shortcuts
I spent the money that I saved up
Oh, Momma running out of luck
Like my sister, don't give a f*ck

I should've worked much harder
I should've just not bothered
I never show up on weekdays
Something that you learned yesterday

-"Barely Legal," The Strokes

I was internal chaos. My head was split between two continents, my heart between two loves. Knowing my time abroad was temporary, I tried my best to put my chin up and live every moment. With increasingly sporadic phone calls, the unreadable voice on the other line weighed my spirits. A heavy heart leads to a heavy head. Still I kept on and, doing so, turned to a city full of color and life to fill my emotional void.

I cooked, spoke, dressed, danced, partied, sunbathed, and did just about everything I could like a local. My English began to suffer. Spelling simple words became difficult. There was that phrase that was always on the tip of my tongue that used to come so naturally. That very American

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