Being Single and Happy:

I love being single. I am a happy 40 year old male who just hasn't found that one woman and I am contented with that until I do. I won't fret or have regrets nor settle for second best.

Maybe my condition' stems from my childhood moving around from the age of 11 from England to Canada, where our family moved five times in six years, or in New York, where we moved twice in six years. At school, while I had friends, was on the sport teams and got on well with everyone, I was kind of the outsider, a black Brit that didn't quite fit the Cannuck way of life or the rough and tumble streetwise kids of Brooklyn and Queens. But I was self-sufficient, smart enough and confident to know that friends did not define me as a person. So I did my own thing.

When I joined the British Army, I had several short relationships, but promised myself never to marry while enlisted; it was too much of a risk if posted away evn for short terms and even back then trust was an issue for me and I didn't trust many women while in the army. There was heartache and heartbreaking on either side, so maybe I was protecting myself from further pain. After the Army and into university, I worked night shifts, so having no money and being unavailable during sociable hours was not conducive to long relationships. So, relationships in my adult life have been ones of misadventure, missed opportunities and indifference.

I have my own set ways, tastes and preferences. I can be independent and actually enjoy my own company, whether going to films, concerts or travelling by myself where I can learn and partake in a personal experience even in a crowd. I can screen out the world and set my own agenda. I have crafted my own persona. I like to be different, I strive to be different, and singleness gives me the freedom to explore both my inner and external world on my own terms.

Speaking to a friend recently, he was shocked that I was still single and had no children. His tribe in Nigeria would see single-dom as being selfish, as children would never had been born to carry on the family. Luckily my parents are not that pushy so far. The way I see it, as do some other westerners', having too many children is selfish, especially in England if you survive only on benefits. Since I don't drive, pollute as much, father children irresponsibly and neglectfully, I am doing my duty toward the planet. Am I selfish for wanting to live my life before potentially devoting my life as a selfless parent? Who knows! But only I can answer that in time.

Do I want children? I'm not sure. I am not a regretful loner' or lonely, but alone; a big difference, but I do not miss anyone and I am surrounded by good friends, who incidentally are coupling up and having babies. I don't feel the clock ticking away imploring me to settle down. Yet after a lifetime of second childhoods in the Army and university, is it time I should settle down? I still have a lot to do, more to learn, places to go, people to see. I'm only just getting started, finding my way, enjoying my life.

There are times when I think I want a girlfriend, but my single-minded brain convinces me otherwise. Why give up the good life? If, perchance the right girl did come along, I'm not sure how I would react. She would have to be both patient and independent and probably have her own flat and peculiarities, since she would be like me: a committed singleton, ready to commit to a mutual, exclusive, singleton pact. So who knows, I may surrender, since no man is an island unto himself. I've held out for so long, but I have another 40-50 years to go at least. So I am content for now and wedded to the single life.

Learn more about this author, Ray Burke.
Click here to send author comments or questions.

---

Add your voice

Know something about Being single and happy?
We want to hear your view. Write now!