by Meghan Rizzo

Created on: April 15, 2008

Our earliest ancestors used the smile as a threat. They'd stretch their lips wide and grin at the enemy, menacingly flaunting their most dangerous and ready weapon: the teeth. Obviously, the smile is interpreted differently now, but when used effectively and sincerely with the eyes taking part and laugh lines creasing at the sides of the mouth, the smile carries a strong message, possibly stronger than words can convey. The smile, along with the myriad other non-verbal human expressions, is more potent than words. It speaks to the soul as well as the mind, evoking a more primitive and meaningful connection between its bearer and recipient.

The experts consistently remind us that communication is the key to a healthy relationship. Of course this is sage advice, but what the experts fail to do is explain to us how to communicate effectively. Their advice is also lacking in that they rarely, if ever, acknowledge the fact that non-verbal communication is just as important, if not more important, than the spoken word. Many of us are not adept at expressing ourselves in words, especially when it comes to the important things. "I love you," for example, is a phrase that when first uttered is often uttered awkwardly, the eyes cast downward in fear of rejection, the voice choked and reedy with nerves. Later, as the couple becomes more comfortable with the phrase and it is stated more frequently, it begins to lose its power. It becomes a statement said more out of habit than from feeling. So how does one communicate love? Certainly, it is true that "actions speak louder than words," but what about in moments of inactivity where the couple might be idle, but still desiring a connection? I know that in my relationship, it is frequently at odd hours of the night that my boyfriend and I feel the closest, the reason being, we have perfected the art of non-verbal communication. We've got a ton of smiles for one another and we know how to use them, and it certainly doesn't stop there.

To start with the obvious, when it comes to the various means of communicating without words, sex ranks highly, and different ways of lovemaking can convey countless different messages. Thus sex is important to a relationship and in order for it to retain its power, one must be aware of what he or she is "saying," physically, in bed. While sex is the ultimate means of expressing love, there are other forms of expression that are less obvious, but more frequent and consequently, just as important.

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