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In a perfect world, where parents treat their children well, their children grow to be financially stable, and are in turn compelled to treat their parents well in their twilight years, there would be little debate on whether it is the responsibility of children to care for their elderly parents. Unfortunately, there are many reasons while an adult child would be unable or unwilling to care for an elderly parent. Circumstances are different in every family, so it is difficult to say with certainty that it is the child's responsibility to care for the elderly parent. It may be that simply providing the genetic material necessary to create another human being isn't enough retirement planning.

In cases where a child was neglected or abused, by a parent, is it a moral imperative for the child to care for the parent when they need them? In situations where a parent was absent from their child's life for the majority of their childhood, returning only when that child is an adult it seems an unfair burden. Children who take care of such parents are likely doing more then could be reasonably expected of them. And if the child had practically no childhood to speak of due to abuse? There are children who suffer horrific abuse throughout their childhoods, and it seems doubly unfair that these children would later be burdened with the care of that parent.

It is an unfortunate but well known fact of life that people often contribute heavily to their own demise. Should the child of an alcoholic or drug dependent parent be required, either morally or socially, to provide for the care that the parent will need due to their vices? Just as it is ridiculous to expect that one could destroy their health with the expectation that someone will later provide for them, it is ridiculous to insist that someone later provide for them.

Other reasons a child might not be able to provide care for their parents may include constraints of finances, time, or ability. The "sandwich generation", people who care for both elderly parents and young children, often find it difficult to meet the financial needs of an extra adult, especially if they are starting out in their careers. It is often the case that the adults in the household are working full time, and they may simply not have enough time to provide adequate care for their parents. In cases where the parents require medical or other specific care, the children may not be able to provide it.

Many times caring for a parent is not an obligation, but it always is a kindness. In planning for old age it should not be assumed that your children will be able to provide for you when you are in need. With the many different circumstances surrounding family life it is impossible for a person to determine for someone else if it is appropriate for them to care for their parent or not.

Learn more about this author, Dana Meldgaard.
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