by Jennifer-Crystal Johnson

Created on: April 15, 2008

How do you deal with the emotional aftermath of leaving an abuser?

Three years ago, a twenty-year-old mother of two young girls packed all of the necessary belongings for herself and her children, after having found unexplained bruises on her oldest daughter's arms. She had been quietly planning to leave her controlling and (mostly) verbally abusive husband for about a month before that. Her plans were tossed aside when she saw those bruises; it was Mother's Day of 2005, and she packed up and left the next day while her husband was at work.

She had been planning to leave before things spiraled further downward. She'd spent enough time causing her extended family and friends grief and worry by staying with him, and decided it was time to go. Several of her friends, along with her father, were ready to drive the 2500 miles to come get her, but she had always made excuses for him. The most common was that he had just had a hard day at work, and was stressed or irritated because of that. She felt many times that the abuse was her fault, playing into the guilt he wanted her to feel for wanting to leave him the year before.

After going through the phases of denial, guilt, and false hope for him to somehow change or stop treating her the way he did, she was finally pushed over the edge by the bruises on her daughter's arms. She couldn't trust him, and couldn't believe his excuses any longer, as logical or rational as they sounded. Abusers have a tendency to be very charismatic, social, outgoing, and seemingly rational and logical. How can someone who seems so intelligent and charming be abusive?

I'm here to write about the potential emotional aftermath of escaping an abusive relationship. There are years of healing afterward, and the potential to fall back into another abusive relationship is overwhelming. From Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder to Panic Attacks and Chronic Anxiety, the years after such a relationship can be just as trying as the relationship itself, especially before the victim figures out exactly what's going on in her own mind.

Sexual abuse is often unrecognized as a form of domestic violence, especially by the victim. Women feel they are obligated to have intercourse with their spouse, that it's a part o their job. Abusers will often say things like, "Do you not love me anymore?" or, "What's wrong? Don't you find me attractive anymore?" to guilt the victim into having intercourse when they don't want to. The most important lesson here is that rape is rape,

• 1
• 2
• 3
• 4
• 5
• Next Page >>