by S. Alexander

Created on: April 15, 2008

Physical, sexual, psychological and spiritual abuse all have one thing in common: There is an abusive individual responsible. If you are currently being abused, please remember that the only blame that falls to you is if you perpetuate the abuse you have lived through on another victim

The signs of spiritual abuse may be hard to spot at first. Your abuser will almost certainly be someone you trust such as a family member, pastor, or close friend. It is easy to believe that this person really has your best interest at heart when they begin to do things like the following:

1. Urge you repeatedly to come to a specific study group after you have declined the offer
2. Pressure you to leave your current spiritual tradition to join a religious group you have serious concerns about
3. Tell you that they are afraid for your soul if you do not agree with them on a certain religious teaching or practice
4. Ask you to volunteer so much time "serving others" that you are forced to neglect yourself

You may recognize these behaviors in many well meaning people but if one person is consistently behaving toward you in this manner it is time to be wary. Please remember that someone who is a mature and caring individual will not believe that you have to be a clone in order to be a friend.

Your abuser will usually be highly knowledgeable regarding the scriptures and teachings of his or her religion and will use this skill to force you into arguments you cannot win. If you disagree over any point it will be made to appear that you are really questioning God. This mind controlling process will be repeated over and over until you have learned to agree with anything you are instructed to believe. You can counter this effect by becoming familiar with alternate opinions held by people who have no stake in getting you to knuckle under to their particular viewpoint. There is no need to argue these points with the abuser or try to "win". Rather, you can say "I think the subject is more complex than you are making it appear and I don't intend to debate it with you at this time." Walk away whenever it is possible to do so.

The perpetrator of spiritual abuse will have the tendency to be controlling and manipulative in other areas of life as well so watch out for pastors or other authority figures who want to dictate things like clothing, food habits or relationships. Demands will often be couched as reasonable requests or suggestions that build up over time until every aspect of your life is under

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