by Janet Perry

Created on: April 15, 2008   Last Updated: January 19, 2009

"There are no lesbians in our sorority." She made this statement boldly and with certainty. It wasn't my place to tell her that her dear friend, who was her Sorority president, was indeed a lesbian. She would find out soon enough. It was one of those moments when you could hear the one-liners stacking up, dying to blurt out of my mouth. But revealing this information before the 'friend' was ready was not just taboo in the 1980's... it was dangerous.

I was political and had been tackling my own homophobia for months while our women's group was split down the middle over the issue. Some of us believed it was time to embrace homophobia in the broadest ways, to truly understand and move past it. Others were still too uncomfortable with their own sexuality to grapple with someone else's. Many felt this discussion should stay 'in the bedroom'. Tackling this was the biggest challenge we had faced as a group of women. It meant growth for all of us, even the ones who walked away, driven by their own moral landscape.

The homophobic sorority sister was speaking out about the idea of sororities being 'underground' lesbian havens. Stories had been surfacing that challenged the face of sororities dramatically. Could it be that the whole-heartedly heterosexual lifestyle, embraced by the affluent 'sisterhood' presented a convenient facade for those sisters who chose not to be public with their sexual preference? The very idea had thrown many sorority women into a homophobic frenzy.

After the meeting was over, I looked at my friend, the sorority president and asked, "Are you going to tell her?" In the back of my mind, I had assumed that her duality of being a feminist and a sorority member would mesh and she would become more open and honest about who she was. "No." I was shocked to hear the word come out of her mouth. Why in the world would she let this opportunity slip past without seizing it, revealing the truth of her situation and thus shining a light on the injustices afforded lesbian women?

It was the explanation of her answer which proved to be an education for me. She was still in a vulnerable place in her life. She wasn't certain she would ever 'come out'. Friends who had been public about their 'choice' had been stalked, harassed and beaten. My friend had dreams. She didn't feel like this was the 'time' to come out. She felt that when she had attained her goals, and indeed, some real power, she would then decide if 'coming out' was the right thing to do.

While

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