by Katrina Norman

Created on: April 15, 2008

There is a very simple, painless process of giving your child the attitude adjustment he or she may need. It all starts with you, yes you.

1. write down a list of exactly what the child is doing that bothers you. Be specific. Go with: He doesn't use his manners at meal time; rather than: He's rude. If he doesn't use his manners at all, then list the times when he should that he doesn't.

2. keep a journal (not just a mental note) for about a week, writing down the times and events that are upsetting to you. No alteration in your current discipline is necessary at this point. You are simply making observations. This is a very important part of the process, please don't just skip over it or tell yourself you'll write it down later.

3. review what you have observed. Did Billy hit Jimmy at 11:00 am? Did Sally bite Jill at 8 am over a toy they both wanted? What you are looking for here is a pattern. Does your child display the same type of behavior around the same time every day?

Sometimes children act out because they have not yet mastered the self control or communication skills they need to handle certain situations. For example: Billy might be misbehaving around the same time every day because he's hungry for lunch and doesn't like the way it feels, so his temper flairs.
Sally might be biting because she wants to play with a toy and hasn't learned how to verbalize what she wants yet.
Is it possible that your child might be hungry, tired, or trying to communicate during these times of frustration and misbehavior?

4. Now that you've reviewed what you have observed its time to make a game plan. If you have figured out that Billy might be hungry try feeding him a more filling snack at snack time, or serving lunch a little sooner. Perhaps you could reschedule your morning routine to involve quiet reading at that time to help quiet and calm an otherwise exited part of the day.

Children aren't little adults. They are learning, growing, and exploring their environments every moment of every day. They are testing boundaries, limitations, reactions, cause and effect, and so much more. Be sure that you take a deep breath and remember that sometimes, even though YOU might know better; the truth is they might not.

Even older children need help with finding words sometimes. You might be surprised to see just how helpful it is when you give them words to use. Ask them how they feel, give them a short list of emotions to choose from if necessary. Ask them leading questions to help

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