by Stephanie Joynes

Created on: April 15, 2008

My daughter turned one year old a few weeks ago, but my memory is still pretty clear from my pregnancy days. There are so many myths and marketing ploys about how your pregnancy is supposed to be, that we have gone further and further from what pregnancy is really like.

Here's the refresher course:

Myth 1: You will look as fabulous as that model mom on the cover of that pregnancy magazine.

Truth: You will be tired and have bags under your eyes because you couldn't find a comfortable position to sleep in for the past 3 nights in a row.

Myth 2: You glow.
Truth: That's sweat. You are lugging a heck of a lot of weight around, and you sweat like a quarterback after the homecoming game even in the dead of winter.

Myth 3: People will offer you a seat on the train, and give you special rights at the Starbucks so you can get your decaffeinated tea.
Truth: You are pregnant, not the Queen of England. You are on your own. (However, I will note that it would have been nice if someone had offered their seat hint, hint.)

Myth 4: Men will find you sexy.
Truth: They'll point at your inflated boobs and yell, "Wow! Those are huge!"

Myth 5: Your job will be understanding and respectful about your "morning" sickness.
Truth: Keep the mouthwash close and your garbage can closer. Just because you hurl on an hourly basis all day apparently does not excuse you from that meeting.

Myth 6: You'll gain about 25-35 pounds during your pregnancy.
Truth: You'll gain what your body wants you to gain. In my case, it was 60 pounds.

Myth 7: Your hormones will make you horny.
Truth: Your hormones will make you psychotically crazy. Hold on to your hats, husbands, because we will have no rational reason for demanding pudding and root beer at 11pm, and then screaming at you if you don't comply with our wishes.

Myth 8: You will be stylish and classy throughout your pregnancy, and wear heels!
Truth: Even your most comfortable footwear will be stretched out by your Fred Flintstone feet, and you'll be lucky if you can find a shirt to cover your belly in the 9th month.

Myth 9: You will have a natural childbirth in a hot tub with Gregorian chants. Doves will be released when your little one is born.
Truth: You might be in the C-Section room after 23 hours of pain and panting. In the end, you'll be happy to have a healthy child.

Myth 10: You'll never want to do it again after morning sickness, weight gain, and a grand finale of insane pain.
Truth: You'll want to do it again once you lay your eyes on your little baby.

Yes, pregnancy is a life-altering event that you will never, ever forget. There is definitely good stuff. Pudding at 11pm is incredibly delightful, and there were some kind people who complimented how I looked when I was humongous. The most important thing is at the end of your pregnancy journey, another one begins as a mother. That one is even more amazing.

Learn more about this author, Stephanie Joynes.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.