What should our response be when dealing with children using foul language? Do we spare no rod and spoil no child? Do we get the children to repeat and write what they use millions of times over? Do we treat them with patience and repeatedly explain that what they are saying is bad language over and over to them?
Do we judge the intention of children who use foul language or do we deal with the foul language itself? Many a time, we miss the mark by scolding the children for using foul language, telling them that the language is unacceptable. Many a time we assume that they know the implication of the foul language they use but do they really?
Children who use foul language often do not understand the implications of the words they use. They know the foul language they spout is vulgar because others tell them that they are using vulgar language. Many a time, children use foul language to express anger, without truly meaning the words they mince out or understanding what they really mean.
Where do children pick up foul language? Most often, it is a role model close to their heart. It could be a parent or any adult that they come into close contact with. It could even be a favorite cartoon or movie character. Because they have the language used over and over again in their presence, they often do not realize that foul language slowly becomes a part of them, just as subconscious actions become part of our motion.
Children often fail to distinguish between good and evil because everything that their idol does must be the best or at least acceptable. Hence they emulate their idol's mannerisms and language, including the bad vocabulary which becomes cliches rather than words used with the intention that they actually bear.
Most children parrot their friends in actions, likes and speech, not so much for superiority but so that they can fit into the gang. Thus, if your child's playmates are using vulgarities, you child will likely pick up one or more words without realizing their implications.
Many a time, children spouting foul language are told to shut up and not use it. My niece even had her tongue polished with shoeshine when she spouted something she picked up somewhere. The possible outcome is that these children grow up knowing that certain language is bad and should not be used. On the other hand, they will secretly use it with their friends who find it acceptable or use it whenever they think that they are out of hearing.
Another way is to get the child to say it to you over and over again until he realizes that it is not as fun anymore. Follow up by explaining to the child that such a word should not be used by anyone because of its meaning as well as the implication on those who use it. If the meaning is beyond the child's need to know, it is best not to elaborate on its meaning. A simple explanation that it is used only by adults in an adult context and not by children often suffices.
Explain to the child the dangers that he may be putting himself into by using foul language. This usually deters many who are just playing around with foul language. Describe situations that he may get himself into and that will definitely put a stop to his using foul language.
Many a time, children who are musically inclined are so caught on to the music that they fail to realize the meaning of the words they are unconsciously picking up. Because they tend to hear something they like over and over again, they will literally have their brains washed out and drowned in the vulgarities that they rarely realize they are picking up.
A karaoke session whereby the words are shown and the music is slowed down enough for the children to catch on to the meaning of the lyrics of the song works wonders. Ask them what the words mean. Ask them what the song means. Do it in a curious and non-judgmental and non-threatening manner. The message usually gets across using a friendly tone rather than accusing one.
When we realize that children are actually at a loss for more apt vocabulary, a lesson on word substitution usually suffices. Ask the child what he is feeling. If he says he is very angry, teach him to say just that that he is very angry. Tell him that when he uses unacceptable language, people who are not familiar with the meaning of the words will not know that he is angry. However, simply stating that he is angry is completely acceptable by most people who will then give him space to cool off.
A great way to lessen the use of foul language is to teach children to control their emotions and not let their head run off with their heart. Ask them to remain calm. Teach them techniques to remain calm. Be a good example yourself, as an adult your children might be looking up to.
Ridicule is the last thing that one should resort to because children usually use foul language when they are angry for the fact that they usually lack the ability to communicate clearly. An angry child who is ridiculed may end up not speaking anymore or be instigated to use foul language on you.
We should also not attribute foul language to ill-behaved people all the time. Remember that some eloquent speakers can be even more evil and use language that kills even though none of the words used are vulgar. We can just explain to the child that people who use foul language simply lack the correct vocabulary to express themselves.
Parents need to set the tone at home. It is not wise to throw out the television set because we want to prevent our children from being exposed to foul language. They can hear foul language being used in any corner of the world. It is better to point out that the language is foul and hold a short discussion with them on the meaning of the words, the intent of the speaker of foul language in that context and what the speaker could have done.
Foul language is like dirt that the world can never be rid of. Teach children the spirit of gentleness, humility and forgiveness and it is unlikely that they will want to use foul language.