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Dating Commentary
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| Yes | 44% | 468 votes | Total: 1052 votes | |
| No | 56% | 584 votes |
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Add to FavoritesIt is saddening to read the "no" articles on this debate, for one reason and one reason only; they all make the immediate assumption that anyone who involves themselves in a relationship online is automatically lying. It is very easy to find people who have formed an opinion on the subject of online dating, but it is much more difficult to find those whose opinion is based on first-hand knowledge rather than hearsay and stereotyping.
The stereotypes? Everyone you meet online is trying to steal your money, rape you, stalk you and quite possibly stalk, rape and steal from you all at the same time. Everyone on the internet is male (girls don't exist, apparently), over the age of 50 and most likely a pedophile trying to lure your kids into their creepy basement lair. If you come across that most elusive of things, a genuine female, she will most likely be under the age of 13, fat, ugly or just desperate. In simple terms, nobody is ever what they seem to be. Some paint the internet as a place of lies and deceit, where all pictures are fake and every word said is just a trap to try and trick you.
It is these pessimistic attitudes that often fuel those who are in some way or another against the idea of online dating. That and the social stigma against those who are not seen to be on the dating "scene", particularly among young people, leads in itself to a strong stigma against those who date online. Insults such as "saddo" and "freak" are flung, the individuals in question are told "you're sick", "get a life", "god, you're desperate!" and much, much more. And why? Because they don't buy into the anti-hype.
Just imagine; you're playing an online game, for example. You're running around, and you start chatting to this person. You get on really well, and become friends. Sounds good so far, right? Most people would consider this to be normal, no sign of the overbearing disapproval yet. But what is it about that person who dares to take that step further that causes scorn, and in some cases hatred?
Some people seem to believe that despite all evidence to the contrary, when you're speaking to someone online, you're just talking to a machine, an object. Somehow it seems to elude them that on the other end of those wires is a living, breathing human being with real thoughts and feelings. And is that not the very nature of a relationship? Thoughts and feelings? Why then, should it be frowned upon to communicate those feelings in this way?
As for how "real" those who date online are as couples, the feelings they share are extremely real. Let me give you an example from first-hand experience. A girl I know (who lives in Britain) had fallen completely and utterly in love with a guy she had met online - a guy who lives in a country far across the Atlantic Ocean. They never once saw each other in person, unable in their youth to cross that gulf between their two countries. But they shared that spark, that swooping feeling in your gut just hearing the other's voice. The goofy smiles, the stupid in-jokes and lame arguments. Everything you would consider a "normal" couple to have, they had, only they could not touch. She even set her alarm and woke up at 4AM every morning just so she could have a conversation with him when he got back from work! If that is not a "real" relationship, I don't know what is. That is devotion. That is love.
It is primitive to believe in this day and age that a relationship has to have a physical element to survive. In our society, romantic love and relationships have precedence over the physical need to reproduce. If two people can feel so strongly about one another, they should be allowed to enjoy their relationship without fear of prejudice or even abuse. I am by no means claiming that all online relationships are perfect, far from it, but that is just a reflection of how things are in the world outside the internet.
Online relationships. Perfect, no. Real? Most definitely, yes.
Learn more about this author, Lara Roberts.
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No
Two complete strangers - worlds colliding at a random rest stop along the information super highway, precariously linked by deliberately scripted profiles and questionable jpegs, do not a couple make.
Unlike real couples, the success and longevity of the cyber couple does not thrive upon such things as core values, common goals and beliefs. Like a torrid, best-selling romance novel - fuzzy facts, provocative conversation and engaging writing skills - win the day.
The biggest issue is transparency. Until a face-to-face meeting occurs, if it ever does, online dating is an advertising campaign. It's all about successful marketing. Projecting a desirable image is a fishing expedition - and the bait should be seductive, tempting, alluring, attractive. If the product in question has a few visible dents and imperfections, a slight airbrushing of the truth is understandable, even expected, in the online dating environment. The trouble with this frequent practice is that molehills become mountains and eventually the person you believed to be your kindred spirit really only exists on paper - the Emperor has no clothes. Not only that, he is unemployed, lives at home with his parents, and spends his free time at local Renaissance Fairs dressed as his favorite character, the Good Shire of Rycroft. Not that there's anything wrongeth with that.
What is wrong and potentially dangerous are the invisible land mines lurking outside the comfortable Internet bubble, primed by a combination of insecurity and delusional fantasy. It is easy to forget that real people with real families, problems and baggage are communicating to one another, slowly constructing a mythical affair where secrets and dreams are often shared. Inevitably, there's a big explosion, thrusting one or both individuals down a slimy slope they were never emotionally prepared to navigate.
The notion of being a couple suggests comfort, acceptance and appreciation - warts and all. There's a proven history of give and take, joy and sorrow, pain and pleasure, pride and disappointment - a physical and mental connection that can only develop and flourish through good times and bad.
Not wanting to risk rejection and being forever blocked from further contact, deleting and re-writing, or omitting altogether, life's difficult moments is often necessary to maintain the delicate nature of the online relationship. One poorly chosen word, or too much information, can cause it to end, just as rapidly and passionately as it began. The house of cards implodes on itself and a new search for love begins once again.
That's not to say that online dating is all bad. It can be an excellent method of introduction. Spending adequate time online and on the phone may be necessary to decide if meeting is a good idea. The pitfall occurs when online chatting is the sole means of supporting the assumed relationship. That is a red flag indicating one or both participants are uncomfortable with moving forward - and that is just a precious waste of time.
If after careful consideration, however, the next logical step is to meet, go for it. Then the journey to becoming a real couple can begin.
Learn more about this author, Snow Vandemore.
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