No

by Daniel Relph

Created on: January 27, 2010

No, absolutely not and here’s why.

The idea behind the age for sexual consent is that we don’t want our pure and chase children being corrupted by dirty old men; and, sometimes dirty old women. This is why laws set age limits to where a child could give sexual consent; in the United States the official age for sexual consent is between 16 and 18 depending on the state.

This was the original idea, but we found that our children just weren’t so pure and chase. We were sending 14 year boy to jail for having sex with their 13 year old girl friend. So we change our laws so that our children could have sex with their chronological peers. The idea being that our children still needed protection from dirty old men, but not from each other. This is called the “Romeo and Juliet” laws. The Romeo and Juliet laws are strongly gender biased. For example, in some states a girl of 19 can have sex with a boy of 13, but a boy of 19 cannot have sex with a girl of 13. The laws are written as with phrases like “the offender engages in sexual penetration.” For the most part the girls do not penetrate their partner.

But that is not the whole of it. Most states allow sexual relations between children close to the same age. A boy of 14 can have sex with a girl of 13 for example. The way the age difference is determined can also cause problems. In some states a 18 year old boy can have sex with a 13 year old girl, but if that boy has a birthday before the girl, then he’s guilty of statutory rape if they engage in sex on or just after the boy’s birthday. Other states differentiate the age difference in months so as to lessen this problem.

Some states have laws that make it illegal for children to have sex before their 12th birthday. So if good old Johnny and Jill, both are age 10, are found naked and feeling out the differences between boys and girls then felony laws are being violated. It might be just Johnny that in violation or it might be the both of them depending on the state.

Most states also have the exception that a married couple may have sex even if one is under the age of consent. In many states the age of consent is for getting married is lower than the age of consent for having sex. Which doesn’t make much sense; one would think that getting married is a much more life changing event than getting laid.

These laws are not enforced with much enthusiasm unless the infraction is obvious. Police often shake their heads, break it up, and go on. Children are curious and want to know about their bodies why not get someone who knows all about it? Then there is also the problem of “Reproductive Rights.” If a 13 year old girl seeks and abortion, then she doesn’t have to inform anyone about it except her doctor. How are we going to find the dirty culprit then? There are other laws that are questionable. In some states if a 13 year old girl asks a 30 old man to have sex with her then that is perfectly legal; but, if the 30 year old man says “Yes” then he is committing a felony; that is before the sex even takes place. Arrest him!

One wonders, if a girl of 13 can give sexual consent to a boy of 14 then why can’t she give sexual consent to a man of 25? In some states the age for giving sexual consent to a person in their peer group can be as low as 10. The laws are so convoluted that it might be wise to tell the children in sex education who they can legally have sex with; and, who can legally have sex with them.

Our children need to know because our sex laws are so draconian. If you get convicted of having sex with your thirteen year old girl friend when you’re 18 then you are put on the “Sex Offenders” list. We don’t forgive sex offenders. Many states have sex offender registration laws that last a life time and there a variety of mundane infractions that can put you on that list. Being on that list can mean it is hard to get a job, buy a house, or rent an apartment. Many of these so called sex offenders end up homeless living under a bridge. You may have served your time in prison; but you have no place to go outside of prison.

Of course, there was a time when things were different. The prudent parent married off their daughter when she showed signs of becoming fertile. They’d choose a man who was well established in his profession and could support a family. These men were generally at least twice the girls’ age. The whole idea was that the girl would get pregnant whether she married or not and they didn’t want any bastards in the family. Also, they wanted the men that married their daughter to be able to support both her and her children.

This didn’t happen that long ago and the parents of an Eighteenth Century girl would wonder what we’re thinking? Why is it okay for a 14 year old boy to have sex with a 13 year old girl? The boy has no way to support the girl or her children. In the Eighteenth Century if the girl got pregnant by a boy of fourteen then a number of very bad things could happen; sometimes though, mercy was given and the girl and boy ended up living with the parents and the boy was put to work for either his dad or the girl’s dad to help him support his family.

Of course now days, we want both of our boys and girls to be able to find gainful employment. This requires education and time; time a thirteen year old mother and father don’t have. Break-back unskilled labor is quickly becoming a thing of the past. Birth control and abortions are used to give us this time, but our 13 year old girls still find themselves wanting to have a mate who will give her both love and children. Copulating isn’t the only urge coming from our sex drive; reproduction is also a part of our sex drive making our present remedies fall short and we end up with teenage mothers.

This situation is aggravated by our mass media. One can now see many programs on TV or in the movies that glorify sex. Many of our heroes and heroines are sexually irresponsible. So, why won’t our children emulate their heroes and heroines?

Our ideas about sex are driven by our religious and moral values which define our local communities. The federal government is not a community; but rather, it takes on no values in the hopes of offending no one and embracing all communities. Its politics; and the politics of pleasing everybody are the norm of the federal government; because of its size and the number of communities the federal government resides over the political policies are atheistic and amoral. Setting the laws concerning the age of consent at the federal level will only further aggravate the foolishness of our present state laws.

A more responsible approach would be to recognize how God made us or as the atheists might say how evolution endowed us. Either way we have biological needs imparted to us and our children. The natural child does have sexual needs and explore their bodies much to the horror of the parents. Even our youngest children can and need to respond sexually. Frustrating these needs only leads to a new generation of perversion and sexual predators.

Being a sexual predator is often considered normal. Both men and women go out and search for someone they might get “lucky” with. Many people are not looking for a mate; but rather, they are hunting for sexual encounters that have no emotional or legal ties. When the hunt ends sexual encounters of these types of unions are focused on the needs not met in childhood and reflect the frustrations of the past. Many people are hunting for these things are like jungle cats, but these things do not fulfill the needs of their true nature. These predators of sex are people that think making love is the same as having sex; they don’t understand love because they don’t understand sex.

Sure, love and sex go together, like ham and eggs. But, ham is not eggs and eggs are not ham. The aim of the parent should be teaching the children about both love and sex; the parent should also teach the children about how sex and love mix; and, how they don’t mix. Children should be raised teaching them both concepts and how to respond responsibly to both. Keeping this in mind our laws should permit our children to respond to their sexual desires in a responsible ways.

We should start with the parents. Raising children is a big part of sex; after all, sex is about reproduction, right? When a child is born there is a commitment for the child of about twenty years of care and teaching. The parents must be committed to their children. Dropping the child off at the daycare center or school in the morning and picking them up at night so they can watch TV while they do their homework and eat is not responsible sex.

The current norm is for both mom and dad to work; they get home and fix dinner and they’re beat. If the children misbehave they are given a timeouts or they might be grounded. If the children choose to disregard these punishments then they get yelled at and privileges are further revoked. If the child does not respond to this then, what other remedies can be applied? Corporal punishment is a crime in many states so we are reduced to yelling and bribing our children to behave. This does not always work and there isn’t much in the way of legal remedies until the child actually violates a law. Using our criminal systems to correct children’s behavior like killing flies in the house with a shotgun; it is far from effective and very destructive.

We need a way to teach our children to behave responsibly and this should include sexual behavior. Our schools cannot do this in that the teaching needs to begin with the parents. Parents are the prime teachers and motivator of our children. They need down time to interact with their children; parents need both time and a way to correct and teach their children. Sexual education needs to be first taught to the parents; and then, the parents need to teach the children.

When teaching a child to drive a car the parent must take time to supervise the child by letting them take the wheel. The child must learn to control the powerful vehicle and guide the car to a destination in a legal and safe manner; this requires many hours of hands on experience. Sex is like a car; it’s powerful and dangerous; of course, giving your children supervised hands on training might be impractical. We do like privacy when having sexual relations.

There are answers in our past. When Jesus was born, Mary and Joseph were engaged, but engagement wasn’t like it was today. Both parties were legally responsible, and they were expected to do everything a married couple did except have sexual intercourse. The girl’s mother often played an important role of supervising even after the couple was fully married. This might be an answer that addresses our Judeo Christian ethics. Other approaches might come from our anthropological past.

Whatever answers we come up with, it will not be from more laws concerning the age of sexual consent. The laws were a mistake when they were made; they make no sense; they turn our children into criminals; and, they just plain don’t work. Any federal laws concerning our children having sex should be addressed:

Educating the parents to undo the mistakes of the past and provide a vehicle for the parents to train their children properly. The sexual needs of our children and insuring those needs are met responsibly. Stopping sexual predators whether they prey on children or adults.

Of course, the most important part of correcting the problem is making sure we learn how to love each other; and know we love each other with the part between our ears and not the part between our legs. There is no law that can be passed at any level that will do that.

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