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Add to FavoritesMy heart goes out to people who have had their marriages arranged because of a tradition. For a young girl or a young man, I cannot think of anything more offensive and against an individual's human rights. To me, this is like saying to a friend, "Let's arrange the marriage of our children to insure they marry the people we want to keep in our families." This can be sheer torture to a young girl or a young man who may have already fallen in love "with their special person." Can you imagine the pain and torture they must be feeling? They will forever resent being pulled away from that "special person" and they'll probably never get over it and carry the resentment into the arranged marriage.
I know arranged marriage happen in a lot of countries around the world but, "it is my belief", that it is wrong. No one should have the right to select who a man or woman will share their lives with. No one should have the right to select the man or woman they want to carry their children and to give birth to their young. I cannot imagine marrying and living the rest of my life with someone that my family arranged for me to marry. I believe this is "unconscionable" to anyone in this sort of situation. It is my belief, "I would just as soon be considered dead!"
Many of the people who have arranged marriages, will tell you it is the worse case scenario you can ever image. It's sheer hell because they are many times paired with a man or woman who is much older than they are and they share "no love interests" whatsoever. It is a union for convenience only. I know a young woman, who I've become very friendly with, and she tells me she has never known "true love." Her family arranged her marriage many years ago when she and her husband were in their late teens and her life has been full of agony and pain. She is forever asking me to tell her how "true love" really is and what does it feel like? She told me when her parents first made her marry her husband that she went through a period of deep depression and unhappiness. He decided to move to America and take her and this has been her life. She married him "only" because it was chosen by her parents and she was not allowed to go against her parents decision. She had to show them respect and nobleness or they would disown her. She told me she lives for her family and that many nights she cries herself to sleep because she wants to know what it is to know a "real love." She tells me she longs to feel a romantic love between herself and the person she, herself, falls in love with and not someone who is chosen for her. She also says, "I'm a prisoner of my own self."
I don't know what most of you readers believe, but I believe this tradition should be deemed as an "outdated notion" and be done away with throughout the world. How will the children who are brought up in this type relationship learn what "true love" is? Children are smarter than we think, and if they never see any form of kindness or love between their father and mother, they'll never know how to receive and show affections in their lives. Could this be a problem in our world today and why "many" people do not know how to express their love and their feelings to the world?
This is the opinion of this writer only!
Learn more about this author, Barbara Kasey Smith.
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When people think of arranged marriages, they think of the worst cases and the forced marriages of the Islamic societies. However, arranged marriages are nothing like that. A long time ago, it did used to be a marriage decided by parents with little input from the young people being married but times have changed. There are also certain myths about arranged marriages that need to be dispelled, here are the top 6 myths regarding arranged marriages.
Myth # 1: Arranged marriages are forced
Truth: Arranged marriages are far from forced. The young people decide if they want to get married but the parents play a role in narrowing the field to certain individuals they prefer for their child. However, either the woman or the man may say "No" and do say "No" if they do not like the person(s) their parents are matching them with.
Myth # 2: Arranged marriages are rare, a few nutty people practice it.
Truth: Arranged marriages used to be the prevalent method of marriages even in Europe. However, today only places like Africa, Middle East, East Asia and South East Asia (the Indian subcontinent) practice arranged marriages. It is not a dying practice and it certainly is not a rare practice.
Myth # 3: Parents arrange the marriage
Truth: This is not entirely true. The family plays a huge role in marriages with input from uncles, aunts, friends of the family and other extended family members. But the final decision on all proposals rests with the parents and the person that is going to get married. The family and parents act to "vet" the candidates to ensure they do not have undesirable qualities like bad history, a criminal profile, certain rumors, bad family or other "baggage" they do not want in the family. In the end, they are just trying to do what is in the best interest of the person getting married and the family.
Myth # 4: Profession makes the marriage
Truth: It is true that a person's profession and vocation does play a huge role in a arranged marriage, especially in Asia and India. Doctors are more likely to get married into a good family than lets say a shop keeper from a few blocks down. But that is not the only factor. Family reputation is a huge factor that is simply not ignored. It is closely examined and scrutinized by the parents and relatives of the people getting married. Other factors such as religion, wealth, health, beauty, dietary preferences and social standings are taken into account as well.
Myth # 5: People are abused in such marriages
Truth: It is true that with any institution, process or method, abuses take place. We do not live in a perfect world. Now having said that, it depends on which region of the world you look at. You cannot make a blanket statement regarding arranged marriages as bad without specifying what you are talking about. Now i disagree with the practice of allowing girls as young as 10 years old being given in marriage to 50 year old men in some Islamic societies. I think it is a perverted practice and cannot be labeled as anything close to an arranged marriage. I also disagree with some practices of forced marriages in Afghanistan and certain other parts of the world. But I do not consider them arranged marriages because it is not within the principles of marriage. In a true arranged marriage, everyone has a say - including the parents of both sides, the couple getting married and the family members of each side.
Myth # 6: There is no divorce in arranged marriages
Truth: I believe this to be false entirely. It is true that divorce rates in arranged marriages are much lower than the divorce rates in western nations or even united states. However the statistics for divorce rates in Islamic nations are hard to come by and since divorce rarely happens in those nations. However, in a true arranged marriage as in India and the other Asian nations, divorce is an option and it is exercised when needed. In some Islamic countries where divorce is legal, the rates come close to or in some instances exceed the rates of the united states - considering that is is a Islamic conservative society.
I hope my article has helped answer some of your questions and dispel some myths regarding arranged marriages. Remember, arranged marriages last longer because both of you choose to be together and both of your families approve of it and support you guys in your endeavor. Hence the reason why arranged marriages succeed, it is out of love, intelligent decisions and a network of support from family and friends.
Learn more about this author, Ebey Soman.
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