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Add to FavoritesArranged marriages should not only be an outdated notion but an illegal activity! This was often practiced by parents, occasionally with good intentions, to see that their child rose in social status. Often, though, this archaic method benefited the parents more than their child. Some parents arranged marriages for their children to rise in social circles themselves. Others did it for the monetary rewards offered by the other family.
Arranged marriages devalue all of womankind. Often young girls were married off by their father to a man many years their senior and who was less than kind to the new bride. These men saw their bride as a possession. They were used as an object of their husband's sexual desires with no regard to their emotions and often in a painful manner that amounted to no more than rape. The innocent new bride's wedding night was not a blissfully happy moment in her life. Instead it was night full of terror, shock, and pain.
Even young girls who were married in an arrangement by the fathers to a young man close to her own age were not always treated well and the notion that you can grow to love someone was just wishful thinking born out of the parents' guilt.
No matter how mean the husband was to the wife, regardless of the cruelty she endured, if she tried to run the punishment was often death, and at the very least a beating.
These type marriages certainly did not promote faithfulness in the marriage on the part of the husband. While the wife was most often held prisoner in her own home, the husband was off having a tryst with a lover because there was no emotional attachment between the spouses. Love did not figure into the equation.
In a lot of countries where the arranged marriage was practiced women were not regarded as of any importance at all in society. Even birth and death records were not kept on females and it was not uncommon for the father to kill a daughter he felt had disgraced the family in any manner. The practice of arranged marriages carried over into the United States and was practiced with frequency even into the 1800's. It was still taking place, though less frequently, as late as the early 1900's. In the state of Tennessee a law to impose a legal age at which marriage could take place was placed into effect when a man in his forties married a nine year old girl in the early 1900's. Her picture, holding her doll in one hand and her husband's hand with the other, made front page news across the state. The article enraged many citizens and the law was changed.
I do not personally know of one female that would have wanted to have been placed in an arranged marriage. I would not think many young males would care for idea. Could you imagine having to spend the rest of your life with someone you cared nothing for or even detested? It is nothing more than being made a prisoner for the benefit of the parents and the sentence is life. Imagine yourself having to bear that person children. Why would anyone in our advanced society today want to subject their children to this kind of life? Why should they be allowed to? Arranged marriages should definitely be considered an outdated notion!
Learn more about this author, Lisa Fillers.
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Good
I say good, but there is a caveat. If a person is from a strong cultural background, especially in a more traditional, ethnic or religious community, arranged marriages often work well. My experience is from meeting several Indian and Pakistani couples, and hearing their stories. I have observed that these couples often seem well matched, more so than American couples. They have a more traditional view of marriage that also helps keep them together. In a widely diverse, nontraditional culture, this may not work as well. Arranged marriage depends on strong social bonds, extended family ties and traditional values such as stay-at-home moms.
An important point here is that all marriages are arranged by someone, often the bride and groom. We could call this a "self-arranged" marriage. This could be the least successful type of marriage, due to the lack of oversight. When parents oversee the marriage, there is a much better chance of compatibility. In the arranged marriages I have seen, everyone ultimately has a choice. There are very few forced marriages among the more educated or affluent classes as far as I can tell. Social pressure, yes. Actual force, no. In fact, the families all have to get along, or else the marriage is called off. All in all, the success rate of arranged marriages seems better than the norm.
I got married when I was 22. I considered many factors that are automatically taken into account in arranged marriages. 1. My parents were of similar social and economic status. 2. Our upbringing was of a similar social status (middle class, white suburban). 3. Religion: My wife was very interested in converting to my religion (Jewish), and not just to please me. This was a process that took months, so it showed a commitment. 4. We shared a similar spiritual path (T.M.) which is in a way a common culture and social group. All these factors helped our marriage to last 17 years. Yes, we did divorce, but all the common traits we had made it a lot easier to stay together under some difficult circumstances. I still believe that these factors increase day to day compatibility, and allow a couple to be comfortable with each other and both families.
Marriage is about life. How in life do we achieve happiness? How many different factors have to be used to figure out compatibility with someone else's life style? The answer is that it is almost an infinite number of factors. However, if we simply believe that people of similar backgrounds and interests will get along, then it simplifies the matter. This is the method employed by the arranged marriages. This works, because not only are the couples well matched, but the entire social structure of both the sets of families will be matched. This is obviously much easier in a homogeneous society like India, but it still is an important consideration for anyone wishing to tie the knot. My own experience has shown me the importance of this. My father and my wife's father were both college professors, and could easily get along. This was a much more comfortable feeling for me than when my first girlfriend had a blue collar father. In fact, this was one of the factors in our breakup, along with religious and spiritual differences.
Wikipedia has a good article on the distinctions of various types of arranged marriages: http://en.wikipedia. org/wiki/Arranged_ma rriage. The information here points out that Indian marriages are often of the type called introduction only' where there is some choice by the prospective couples. I believe that is the type that works best.
Learn more about this author, Ronald Veda Royale.
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