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Should parents teach children how to drink alcohol responsibly or maintain a no-use policy at home?

Results so far:

At home		53%	624 votes	Total: 1173 votes
No-use		47%	549 votes	Total: 1173 votes

At home

6 of 46

I have allowed my children to have an occasional drink at home since they were young. We usually have wine for dinner and when my girls turned 12 I would allow them to have the occasional sip or two at dinner or at family gatherings. As they got older it turned into their own glass and even a beer or a mixed drink on occasion. Now both my girls know that they can have a drink if they want to, but only at home. As a result they both understand drinking responsibly and not drinking to get drunk. My girls are 17 and 15 now and I can honestly say i have never seen them drunk and neither one drinks at the usual weekend drinking parties that their friends go to. Sure there are times after a really rough day at school they may have a drink or on a weekend night, but it's something I accept and not make it "the forbidden fruit."

Kids in our town are no different than other towns, and there are regular drinking parties where kids get drunk and trouble results. My girls have always stayed away from those parties and understand that the risk of going to them is too great. I believe I have taken the "mystery" out of drinking and if my girls want a drink they know they can have one, but they also know they can't have 3 or 4.

I live in Ohio, and the laws here permit underage children to have a drink if they are with their parents at bars and restaurants. And we will go out to dinner on occasion and sometimes, not always, my girls and me will all have a vodka tonic or wine with dinner. I don't have a problem with this and both my girls do well in school, are well adjusted and understand how to drink responsibly. To me it's not a big deal and I would much rather them learn to be mature and responsible in their life's choices. Most kids will experiment and I think it is up to us as parents to guide them into making safe choices as they grow up.

Do I let their friends come over here and drink? Only if the other parents are aware of it and are on the same page as I am. If that is the case, then there will not be any driving and there will either be a designated driver or they will sleep over. So far this approach has worked for me.

Learn more about this author, Barb Jackson.
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No-use

6 of 18

by Gabriella Samms

I have a plaque on the wall in my dining room that states the words, "Children learn where they live". However, I need another one that states, "They also learn elsewhere". Try as I may by example to show my children what's right and wrong isn't always enough. If I tell them absolutely "no", I have no reason to believe they will obey my words when they aren't around. That's because we live in a world where being part of the "in" crowd often is more important then anything else. Add to that the fact that teens often think that parent's are just out to keep them from having a good time, and you have kids that will quite often do exactly the opposite of what you think you've taught them not to.

For me, the question asked above requires one answer; both. However, I believe that because children often learn from their parents own behavior, that a no-use policy at home is where we should begin. If we show our children that alcohol is a constant presence in our lives, they have no reason to believe it's wrong to become part of theirs. I'm not saying we should empty our refrigerators or cupboards of any alcohol on the premises; but we should make it known that it's not an important part of who we are. For many families, it has become just that. When drinking becomes a vital part of who we are, is it any wonder how we can blame children for doing exactly what many parents do? It certainly seems like a double standard to me.

Refraining from drinking in front of your kids isn't enough. Just because we don't do something ourselves, doesn't mean our children aren't doing it. We're not with them 24-hours a day, and no matter how much we want to believe they're listening; don't hold your breath. There is something much more powerful then our words, and it's called peer pressure. No matter how close you are to your kids, there are others that can have much more power over them. Believe it or not, their peer's admiration is much more important to them then yours. Their peers know more about their behavior then you do.

Let's face it, can you actually say that your own teen would come home at night and immediately greet you with, "Hi mom, I drank six beers tonight and took a hit of ecstasy"? Their peers were right there with them doing it while you were home watching television. Although you may have taught them that honesty is the best policy, they definitely know when and where it's OK to use it.

Knowing that your teens lives in a world that judges them and persuades them, it is a must to teach them responsibility. You can't just refrain from a behavior you don't want them to acquire; you have to teach them how to be responsible when they are subjected to it. You need to act responsibly yourself and at the same time teach them to be responsible when they are about to or have decided to make a bad choice. Mistakes are part of growing up; they are part of learning. Kids will make bad decisions; you won't get around it.

What you can do is prepare them for the worst. Although they may be lucky enough in life to never experience it, it is looming out there. My own daughter learned that just the other day. She called to tell me she witnessed a drunk driving crash and she still hasn't gotten over it. Although extremely saddened for the loss of the kids involved, I was hopeful that my daughter learned that bad things can happen to good people. Reality hit her in the face that day. She told me she'd never get into a car with anyone who has been drinking after seeing what she saw. She never said that to me after all I've told her before.

Act in ways you want your children to behave, and talk to them about the realities of life. Teach responsibility and behave as parents, responsibly.

Children do learn where they live. They also learn by teachings, communication and example. Be involved, be aware and be there.

Don't assume a "speech" will stop their decisions. Good role models along with open lines of communication are the key to a good parent/child relationship.

Assume they'll probably do the worst, because you can bet they'll never believe the worst can happen to them.

No teen ever does until it's too late.

Learn more about this author, Gabriella Samms.
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