Should parents teach children how to drink alcohol responsibly or maintain a no-use policy at home?

At home

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by Magda Healey

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I find it absolutely amazing that this question is even asked! The only situation in which I can imagine the "no-use" answer being given is if and when the parents are themselves 100% tee-total. It's absolutely natural that tee-total parents will want to teach their children the same values. Many vegetarian parents bring up their children without meat, and it's understandable that tee-total parents won't introduce their offspring to alcohol. They should, still, offer some knowledge and education about drink. However, I can't think of any other situation where the "no-use" policy would be applicable.

A word of background: I am not American. Where I live, a person reaches a full adulthood at 18 and apart from some driving tasks and standing as a candidate in the election to the House of Commons, everything else is allowed from the age of 18 (and quite a few things from earlier). You can buy alcohol legally everywhere from 18, you can drink alcohol bought by a parent or guardian with a meal from 16 and you can drink alcohol at home (at parents discretion) from the age of 5. As far as I know, most European countries and most US states don't forbid consumption in private, so it's not really an issue.

Also, my whole argument was to do with what can be called "normal", social drinking. It doesn't relate to serious alcohol abuse, to situations when people use alcohol as a crutch, when they can't function socially without it or when it's used to self-medicate serious neurotic anxieties or depression. These are subjects for a different text altogether.

Alcohol is our culture's (by that, I mean European and all those that descend from European) mind-altering substance of choice. It has been part of life for thousands of years. It's not just a drug, though: there is a wealth of flavour and experience for the most discerning palates out there in the world of alcohol drinks. It's incorporated into all types of social situations and rituals, from informal socialising to fine dining, from toasting a newlywed couple with champagne to a quick drink after work. Even the most mysterious and spiritual rite of the main religion in our culture uses alcohol.

As all drugs, alcohol gets overused and abused. Sometimes this abuse is culturally sanctioned: I can think of many social situations in which drunkenness (even excessive drunkenness) is (or, historically, was) accepted and even expected. Nowadays, this is perhaps rarer. But drinking is still important part of general (and even more so, youth) culture and people are expected to be able how to handle their drink.

"Handling the drink" can refer to two things: firstly, when not to drink at all and when to stop as to never become excessively drunk. Secondly, it means knowing how the alcohol affects you and how to behave when mildly or moderately drunk. Neither of these can be probably really accomplished in a family home: teenagers drink, teenagers get wasted, teenagers throw up, do stupid things and get hangovered and embarrassed about their own drunken antics. It's part of the learning curve, it's part of growing up, of testing boundaries, of becoming an adult.

What parents can accomplish is to show an alternative to getting very drunk. They can take the attraction of the forbidden fruit off alcohol. They can show other aspects of alcohol (eg appreciation of different flavours of beer and types of wine) apart from the mind-altering effect. They can make sure that, although their children might not reveal all their (or their friends') drunken antics to them (did you?), they will not hide their drinking as such. They can show that everything has its time and place, and along with adult rights come adult responsibilities.

Wha t's more important, though, the acceptance of the fact that their children might (and probably do) drink will allow parents to address problems much more important than actual consumption of alcohol.

The first and foremost of those it is, in my mind, the drink & drive issue. I think it extremely important that teenagers are taught that drinking and driving is a complete no-no. And that applies not only to drinking & driving themselves but also to getting into a car with somebody who drank. It has to start with parents practising what they preach: never drink and drive, never get in a car with a driver that has drunk, if anybody you know attempts to drink and drive, try intervene, even to the degree of confiscating keys. If you know anybody that has been affected by drinking and driving, bring the subject up. Invite the person over when your teenagers is likely to be around, or discuss them when they are present - not in a direct attempt to influence them, but as art of a normal conversation. My parents had this friend whose wife of just 1 year was killed by a drunk-driving motorcyclist. He was a great guy, and he was never the same after her death. This was one of the important factors that influenced (and still influence) my attitude to drink-driving.

Anothe r one is the whole sensible drinking issue. If you accept they drink, you can attempt to teach them (and, more importantly, SHOW them) how to drink sensibly: how to take breaks or stop when you think you have had too much, how to eat before drinking to slow the alcohol absorption, how not to give in to peer pressure to have "another one".

The last issue that's to do with teenage drinking is perhaps the most difficult. It probably applies more to girls than boys, and it is, yes, you are right, the issue of drunken sex. I don't know if you NEED to mention it in the context of drinking, actually. My parents didn't and I somehow managed to figure things out for myself, and they probably trusted me to be sensible. But again, if your daughter knows that you know that she drinks, and if she knows that you know that people sometimes become reckless and do stupid things (among which having unprotected sex is perhaps one of the most stupid and reckless) under the influence of alcohol, it's more likely that, if the worst comes to the worst, she will come to you for help, and she will come in good time.

The most important question you need to ask yourself is: do you want your child to drink, but drink sensibly, with the appreciation of all that quality alcohol can offer, but without excess, when they are adults? I am assuming that if you drink yourself, the answer to this question must surely be "yes". Thus, what better way to try to teach them something than by controlled introduction at home - and of course by your own example.

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