Should parents teach children how to drink alcohol responsibly or maintain a no-use policy at home?

At home

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by Casey Clay

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To answer this particular question I have to go with my personal experience. When I was growing up I went through many different drug and alcohol prevention programs such as DARE while in school. So did all of my classmates. I took a lot away from those programs and made a decision early on to abstain from consuming alcohol and other drugs. However, many of my classmates chose a different path for themselves.

When I was in high school I experienced the loss of one of my good friends in a drug related car crash. I thought that my friends and classmates would learn an important lesson from this incident.

Unfortunately they did not.

Later that same year, two of my schoolmates were sent to the hospital with alcohol poisoning.

A year later, one of my schoolmates was paralyzed from the neck down due to an alcohol related crash where she and the driver were both under the influence. The driver, an individual who I had worked with during a summer job, spent time in prison because of his role in the car crash.

Later that same year my hometown lost another young person due to an alcohol related crash.

Six months later the papers reported the loss of another young person whose name I knew.

In 2006 I lost another good friend who I had known since I was 4 years old. We attended the same daycare. We played on the same football team and wrestling team. His short 21 year life was ended one night as he drove home under the influence of alcohol.

All of these individuals went through the same program that I did. I was exposed to alcohol and drugs just as much as my friends were. I never drank any alcohol before I turned 21. I still don't drink any alcohol. While I think that there are many different reasons for my experience with drugs and alcohol when compared with my friends and classmates, I think that there is one that played a greater role than the others.

I think that my experiences can be traced back to my home. My parents did not have a no-tolerance policy when it comes to alcohol. Actually, I spent a lot of time at a bar when I was younger. My mom was a bartender at a time in my life when most of my friends were first experimenting with drugs and alcohol. My father drinks fairly often. My mother drinks occasionally. Because of this, there was always beer and alcohol available at my house. Yet, I never seemed to actually have any of it.

When in high school and junior high my parents told my sisters and me that if we wanted to drink that we could do it at home. I never took my parents up on this offer but my sisters occasionally did. They would sit at the dinner table with my parents and would have a drink together. My sisters were never in any harm. The furthest that they had to travel was down the hallway to their bedrooms. This proximity to home allowed my sisters to learn their limits in a safe environment. They were able to drink but they were not allowed to drink so much that they would become intoxicated.

When my sisters and I were at our friends' houses or at a local party, my sisters would occasionally drink. However, they never abused the substance. When I was out I tended to be the driver for my friends. Even today my friends will invite me to go out with them so that they know they have safe transportation home.

I think that parents who have a no-tolerance policy in place are naive. I think many parents enact this policy because they don't want their children to engage in destructive behavior. This is a good goal for parents to have. However, I think that most parents of teenagers can attest to the fact that teenagers will break every rule that you put in place. Telling a teenager that they can't do something will just make them want to do it even more. Thinking that telling them "no" will stop them from drinking doesn't make it easy for teens to accomplish this task. Educating your child about the effects and consequences of using alcohol are better ways of preventing their use and abuse of the substance.

Every young person is exposed to alcohol in some fashion. It is nave to think that your child will take themselves out of the situation. The first step to educating your child about alcohol is finding out what needs to be taught. I think for this you need to ask one question, "What causes young people to use, and in many cases, abuse alcohol?" I have a few theories.

Curiosity killed the cat. It is a good lesson to learn. Adolescence is a time for growth and development. It is a time where young people transition from childhood to adulthood. Many of the lessons of adulthood are learned during this time. Why not, then, the lesson on alcohol? What is it about this subject that causes parents to turn a cheek? My child isn't old enough. Regardless of whether you think they are old enough or not, that does not mean that they won't be exposed to alcohol. Some children are being exposed to drugs and alcohol before they even hit their teenage years. This is a scary reality for many parents.

What, then, is the cure of curiosity? The cure is knowledge. Knowledge is power. Teach your children about alcohol and its effects. Talk to your children. Answer their questions about alcohol. Let them try some alcohol in a controlled environment like your home. At the same time, explain to them what it does to their bodies when they drink to excess. If they feel the effects on their body as you are explaining the effects to them, they will learn better. Whether you chose to let them drink or not it is important to have a conversation with your child. Every decision in life should be made in an informed fashion, not made blindly. If your children are able to have an open discussion on alcohol they won't be as curious as to let their friends and strangers teach them about it. Why put your children's education into the hands of individuals who do not have your children's best interest at heart? It seems like a much better decision to place such a delicate subject into the hands of the individual who cares the most the parent.

Peer pressure can be your best friend or your worst enemy. If your child has a good group of friends then it is less likely that they will try to persuade your child to do things they don't want to do. What can you do as a parent? Have a positive relationship with your child and their friends. Get to know their friends and spend time talking to them. You would be amazed by the way your children's friends will come to respect you. This makes it hard for them to lie to you. It also makes them less likely to give your child the third degree when they tell them, "I can't. My parents wouldn't want me to."

In many cases, your children go out into the world where they encounter people who are not their close personal friends, but are mere acquaintances. Although these people are not their friends they may still hold sway over your child. At this age the most important thing on your child's mind is fitting in. Having a place in their world is the most important thing for a teenager. This is why it is important to know where your children are going and who they are going to be with. If you know your children's friends and you know they are responsible you can feel safe knowing that they won't be alone when making decisions about situations where alcohol is involved. If you have a negative relationship with your children's friends they may do the opposite. They may lead your children down a dangerous path. Building a relationship with your child at home is a good way to achieve peace of mind.

Teen angst is something every parent of teenagers should be familiar with. Creating a relationship with your teenagers where they feel respected and appreciated can cut back on this. Many parents dictate their rules to their children and leave no room for discussion. Creating a positive relationship with your children and explaining your choice of rules and regulations to them will help. Let them play a role in the development of ground rules. They will be more willing to follow them if they have a hand in their creation. This will keep your children from consuming alcohol just to spite you. Trust me, it happens more than you would like to believe. The teenage years are years for exploration and growth. Teenagers are trying to find their place within the world; demanding that they follow your rules causes rebellion. Circumvent the rebellion by creating a home environment where they feel free to explore.

Many European countries have much lower drinking ages than the United States. In many countries young children are allowed to drink. A glass of wine with dinner is not something that is uncommon. It is uncommon, however, to see many people in the streets intoxicated. The attitude toward drinking in many European countries is much different than in the United States. The substance is not taboo. Its negative effects are taught at a young age. It is considered distasteful to be drunk. Children are allowed to drink at a young age within the home. All of this leads to a situation where there is little abuse of alcohol, at least in comparison to the United States.

What can we learn from all of this?

Young people are more likely to have a responsible relationship with alcohol if they are allowed the freedom to experiment in a safe environment. Let your children learn about alcohol from you in your home. Don't let your children learn about alcohol from a stranger in a stranger's home. You can't expect others to have the best interests of your child at heart. If you have the best interests of your child at heart then do what is responsible. What is the solution to our nation's alcohol abuse problems? Educate your children. I will do the same. Change often begins in the home.

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