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Is time-out an effective discipline strategy for children?
Results so far:
| Yes | 72% | 980 votes | Total: 1361 votes | |
| No | 28% | 381 votes |
Yes
by Angella Gailey
Created on: December 07, 2011 Last Updated: December 08, 2011
We have all seen it, or, worse, been a part of it; a child and a parent are screaming back and forth at each other, and all anyone is doing is getting madder. Everyone in the store, park, or even the neighbors, all worry that things are going to escalate out of control. Whether you are in a store, at a park, or at home, time-out, when used correctly, can be an effective and efficient discipline tool. Unfotunately, there are those that go overboard with time-outs and it does begin to lose all of its effectiveness.
Time-outs do not only benefit your children, but they can also benefit the parent. When you find yourself starting to get so mad that you are beginning to lose control, putting your kid into a time-out, gives you a chance to calm down. It seperates the two of you, and you will find that it takes you just as long to calm down as it does for your child to learn that they did something wrong. Once you are both calmed down, you can talk to your child about what they did wrong and how they can make things right.
Time-outs send a clear message that your child has done something wrong. So many parents jump from one parenting style to another, constantly changing how they discipline. A child does not know when they have done something wrong if one day they get put in a time-out, the next they get a "talking to," and the next they get spanked. While you might think that you are sending a clear message, your child is not getting that same message. Your child will get quickly confused and it might lead to more extreme acting out.
Every adult that interacts can use the same form of discipline, making your child feel more comfortable when they are being babysat or are at daycare. When a child knows that when they do something wrong, there will be consequences and they know what those consequences are, it makes it easier for that child to adjust to new surroundings, and even new rules. While you might think it all right for your child to run around your house, your parents probably won't agree. When your child runs around their house, they will know they are in trouble when they are put in time out.
While you might not always get a chance to tell your child exactly what they did that was wrong when you are yelling at them because you are upset because you have told them one hundred times to stop jumping on the couch, as part of a time-out, you need to tell them. You can sit down with them and explain to them that jumping on the couch can cause them to fall and get hurt. You might have explained to your child ninety-nine times that jumping on the couch can get them hurt, but if you have not sat down with them and looked them in the eye while explaining it, they probably didn't hear. Oddly, kids are more likey to stop doing things when they understand the exact reason as to why you are telling them not to.
On the other side, if you find yourself putting your kids in a time out every five minutes, you might want to re-think what you are doing. Instead of just putting them into a time-out, you need to make sure you talk to them about why they were in time out. Using the previous example, just making your child sit by themselves for five minutes because they were jumping on the couch is not going to get them to stop. If, after those five minutes, you sit down and talk to them about what they did wrong and explain why you wanted them to stop, they are more likely to stop jumping on the couch.
While every child and every situation is different, time-outs can be a very effective form of discipline, when you use it correctly. Put your child in time-out only one minute per year they are old, any more and they will likely forget why they are in trouble, make sure you talk to them about what they did wrong, use the time to help you calm down as well, and use it consistantly. Even a time-out in a store or a park can be effective if you use it right. A cranky child will receive a chance to calm down, and, if you are in a store, you can continue shopping when you are done, one child can be in time-out while the other children are playing. Use time-outs correctly, and you and your family will find themselves yelling a lot less.
Learn more about this author, Angella Gailey.
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No
by Sue Edgerley
Created on: June 24, 2009
Most child-raising books and Internet sites still promote time-outs as an effective discipline tool because it "gives your child an opportunity to learn to cope with frustration and modify his behaviour". This sounds good in theory. But, as most parents find out, this is a very ineffective technique.
Why is it ineffective?
1) It requires parents to delay discipline until the child is old enough to accept time-outs - which is at about three years old. So that is a crucial two years of training that is missed when parents can establish their authority.
2) Parents run the risk of looking ineffectual and foolish when the toddler runs away or wiggles or screams or sits when you said stand or vice versa. Parents lose authority when it becomes clear to a child that Mum and Dad aren't in charge.
3) The lesson the parent is trying to teach is often lost because of the delay in getting the child to do the time-out.
4) Timeouts can last too long in relation to the offence for young ones or not long enough with older children. It is difficult to get the balance right. Experts say a time-out shouldn't last more than 30 seconds until a child is three but what can a toddler learn in 30 seconds? It takes that long to hold them still!
Baby experts suggest holding off on discipline until your child understands what's acceptable and not (somewhere around the third birthday). In the meantime, they recommend childproofing your home to reduce opportunities for mischief and use distraction to redirect your child to more suitable activities. This strategy is a flawed one. Letting your child have the run of your home - and you- for three years and then turning around and saying 'now you have to listen to me' is a recipe for a battle of wills. Establishing your authority before the child reaches an age to rebel is sensible, and the early years are a perfect time to teach your child to listen to you and to realise that there are rules. Childproofing your home so your child is not in danger is essential, of course, but removing opportunities for mischief and distraction means removing opportunities for teaching an early but crucial first lesson - 'YES/NO'.
It is hard to avoid the conclusion that timeouts are an ineffectual way to discipline children. To be effective, it needs to be combined with other disciplinary measures, possibly several, as children get older, but this in turn makes it difficult for parents to be consistent in their discipline. Timeouts and consequences require parents to be adaptive and reactive and on the balls of their feet all the time. This is not a good foundation to consistent discipline. Consistency is a cornerstone of good discipline as it teaches children their boundaries.
Timeouts for Older Kids
A final note: Most people only use timeouts for young children; yet I have found that the only time it is an effective parenting strategy is when it is used for older kids. Whenever my teen starts to get a bit heated and lippy, I send her for a "toilet timeout". It is so dull in there that she has no alternative but to calm down and rethink her actions! This only works if parents send their tweens or teens to the most boring room in the house, not their bedroom. In my house, that is the toilet.
Learn more about this author, Sue Edgerley.
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