Should teens be given a curfew by parents?

Yes

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by Ruth Woodhouse

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Yes, most certainly teens should be given a curfew. It's just part of the overall safety net of limits that loving parents should place around their offspring who are beginning to experiment with some degree of independence and freedom. Without limits set by their parents, teenagers are in grave danger and could all too easily get into all kinds of trouble.

Danger lurks in dark hidden corners and predators are waiting to pounce on the unsuspecting young person who is no match for their cunning. It's a jungle out there! Some of the predators are in fact not much older than their prey. They may be very experienced in the ugly side of adult life with which even we may never have had any personal experience. They are experts at leading younger, naive teenagers astray through peer pressure.

They may easily convince them that there is no harm in just trying something once for fun and that nobody need know about it. Teenagers don't yet have the maturity or experience to resist them or even see what they are up to. To them the stranger danger message they have received since early childhood just doesn't apply in so many of these situations. After all, these people aren't what they class as strangers. What's more, they believe they are now old enough to make mature judgments themselves. They don't have any idea just how devious so many people are - or how easily they can become entangled in a web they cannot escape from anywhere near as easily as they were led into it.

So teenagers need parents to put a number of safety measures in place to protect them while they are out there gaining some experience in the ways of the world and trying out their wings. They need their parents to be never too far away. They need to know that their parents will be keeping tabs on them. They need to realize how important it is for them to keep their parents informed of their whereabouts at all times. They must accept that there is a time when they must be safely back at home with their parents.

As much as you might want to keep them safe under your wings for a few more years, teenagers do need to start exploring the world, gaining some confidence in their ability to do things without quite so much parental supervision and developing their own identity that bit more. You have to let go of them for short periods of time - but you should not go too far the other way and allow them too far away from the coop without any protective measures. Otherwise they may just wander too far astray before you know it.

It's like when a child learns to swim. You wouldn't allow them to just go off to the beach or pool without your own or other responsible adult supervision. You know full well that they could still drown or be harmed in some other way. You may be watching from a distance on the sand or at the swimming centre. You might be doing something else but you keep looking out for their head in the surf or amongst the others in the pool.

So it is, when they begin to get into the swim out there in the world as teenagers, you still keep your eye on them even if they aren't always aware of it. At least sub-consciously they know you're there, mind you. They know you care for them and that you are still their dependable protector. They must accept that they have to follow your rules and abide by things like curfews. They are still your kid even if they are enjoying the journey to adulthood. They can actually enjoy that journey more knowing that they have that safety net around them.

Teenagers are still to be regarded essentially as children, even if they are becoming young adults at a sometimes scary rate - and certainly like to see themselves as so mature. They are still very vulnerable though and need their parents to protect them. You are still the parents and they are still the kids. It is your solemn responsibility to be committed to your role right through their childhood - not just till they begin to exercise some independence and freedom.

What's more, they feel more secure and loved for knowing that their parents care enough to set such limits. They may complain sometimes - especially if some of their friends don't have similar constraints. There may be confrontations and arguments over your protectiveness at times. But deep down they will appreciate it.

Curfews may be extended as the teenager reaches certain milestones - but I really can't imagine that any teenager still at school should be allowed to stay out later than midnight. For younger teens it would be appropriate to make it as early as 9 or 10 pm on week nights and 11 pm on weekends.

I can't imagine why a teenager would need to be out after midnight while they are still at school. Apart from anything else they won't cope with their studies if they are out too late in the evenings. Teenagers need a lot of sleep. On week nights in particular they also need to be applying themselves to their homework or they will not keep up with assignments and will be likely to fail exams. They also need family time so that the lines of communication are kept open between them and their parents.

Teens who stay out after midnight are far more likely to get into compromising situations that could result in terrible, life-destroying violent acts being committed against them - or even a gruesome death. Date rape is all too horrifyingly common these days. If a teenager is set a time they have to be home by and stays with their friends they will be considerably safer.

They are less likely to have too much to drink or to take drugs as well - and less likely to be brought home by a driver who is under the influence of alcohol or drugs. The risks of them being led into committing crimes such as stealing cars are considerably reduced. With them home safely tucked up in bed at a reasonable hour, you can breathe easy that you won't be getting one of those terrible calls in the middle of the night that parents of teenagers dread. The risks are bound to increase proportionately to every hour that passes after midnight.

I would certainly want any teenager of mine to be home safe and sound by midnight even on weekends. No doubt there would be some teens who would regard my thinking as very old-fashioned - but I'm sure there would be plenty of parents who share my point of view.

The youth of today face significantly greater dangers than we ever did. It's a big scary world out there - and as always, the worst dangers lurk in the darkness. I certainly wouldn't be sleeping if I was waiting for a teenager to come home - and how can it be fair for a teenager to have their parents worried out of their minds because they're out till all hours of the morning? Teenagers need to realize that they have a responsibility to consider your concerns.

I'm sure that, even in our relatively undisciplined times, there are plenty of parents who do still set firm but reasonable curfews for their teens. You can be sure the police would appreciate those who do. It's a terrible thing when you hear about children as young as 10 or 11 being out on the streets at all hours of the night and morning. You have to ask where are their parents and why don't they seem to care?

Due to the problems with teens and even pre-teens being on the streets, causing all kinds of strife till all hours, some Australian communities have even been considering legal curfews on all minors. It is indeed a terrible indictment on our society as a whole that such measures should even have to be contemplated. Curfews should be the responsibility of individual parents. If the law enforcement authorities feel things are desperate enough to warrant a curfew being set by the community at large, then things are grim indeed. When I was a kid such problems were unheard of where I grew up. I must say it's only in recent years that I've even heard of such an unthinkable breakdown in parenting responsibilities in some of the suburbs of larger Australian cities and certain towns.

Of course these are signs of failure in parenting from much earlier stages of childhood. Kids need boundaries enforced from the start and, while the boundaries may be moved by the parent as the children develop and mature, they need to know the boundaries set are as firm as ever until reviewed by the parents. They must know that there always will be rules and limits until they are fully-fledged adults.

From time to time I tell my little boy, now aged six and a half, that he will still be our child when he's a teenager and that he will still be expected to abide by our rules. Curfews aren't even an issue yet of course, but I believe it's never too early to start impressing such principles on the mind of a child who will one day be a teenager with a mind of his own and a will to live life his own way. He needs to know why and have the relevant issues discussed with him as he is becoming that teenager - one day at a time - all too quickly.

Of course one does need to be approachable, open to discussion and fair in these matters. This may sometimes include accepting reasonable explanations if sometimes the curfew is broken for a valid reason. I remember well when I was about 15 years of age and involved in a church youth group we once went on a hike in a mountain location some miles from our town. I can't remember the details now - but I think we must have become lost for a while. Anyway, we were late getting home for legitimate reasons.

One of the young girls in the youth group - who was actually 18 years old - was in such big trouble for being so late that she was grounded for a week or two after that. I couldn't believe that she would be disciplined so unreasonably at that age when she couldn't possibly have got home any earlier than the rest of us. She was, after all, with a very straight bunch of kids and involved in a very wholesome activity. Those times were not anything like this treacherous modern age we live in now either. I know that this girl came from a good home and had loving parents, but to this day I feel the curfew she had been set should have had a bit more flexibility under such extenuating circumstances.

As long as we are fair and open with our teens and they know that we are motivated by the love they would expect and desire from their parents, I believe most of them will honour the rules we set down, at least the majority of the time.

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