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Teen Challenges
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| Yes | 62% | 549 votes | Total: 889 votes | |
| No | 38% | 340 votes |
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Add to FavoritesWould you go to bed at night, and leave your teenage daughter's window open, or the back door , near your son's room unlocked?
I invite you to carefully ponder that question when you allow your teen son or daughter to enter the domain of Myspace and Facebook. Because by doing so, they are in fact building their own virtual house, that they control, and if there isn't a strong foundation on the house; - or if your teen forgets to "lock" his virtual doors; then you are willingly allowing a host of strangers into that virtual room that they created-minus your love and protection.
Honestly, consider the love, nurturing, advice, tedious conversations, and character that you have instilled in your precious child. When your child reaches the teen years, if you are fortunate, you will be at a minimum; lighter in your wallet, heavier in your heart, exhausted and madly in love with this child, regardless of their passive or aggressive nature. So now consider, the many friendships that they have developed. The teens that have frightened you, that they call their "friends" and the friends that have captured your heart. One common factor exists, you have met them, you have monitored the majority of their relationships; and even if they "pretend" not to hear you, they subconsciously consider your opinions on their peers, while formulating their own.
To allow a teen to created their own virtual palace, and not have any parental access to this cyber socialization; is like buying your teen a Mercedes , handing them an American Express Gold card and saying "I love you honey-have fun!" Being a fun, cool parent doesn't mean handing them the keys to life, giving them endless freedom and then financing their freedom. Being a fun , cool parent is setting guidelines, calling them out on their discrepancies while acknowledging your own weaknesses, and above all, guiding them through the teen years with close supervision, honesty and a license to allow them to fail, as long as their failure is honest and shared.
I have four children, two are currently in the teen years, one has passed through (although I still question his behavior at times as adolescent, even on his most loving day), and one is about to enter the most awkward time of life-the teen years.
If you love your child, provide limits, and protect them in the cyber world; they will return the favor by being decent human beings, with character and respect for humanity, when they finally emerge from their teen cocoon and turn into beautiful butterflies. And when I say beauty, I am referring to the inner beauty, what lies beneath the skin and glistens through the eyes. But do you dare to take a stand, ruffle a feather, and run the risk of having a "moody, miserable, combative" teen by daring to demand their password? The answer is simple...it is YES.
I firmly believe that toddlers, teens and even we flawed adults all deserve our privacy. There is a fine line between snooping and honestly saying, "I would be happy to grant you Myspace or Facebook, but I love you and I took a vow to protect you, so I must have the "spare key" to the cyber house that you are creating. I don't want the main key, I don't want to talk to your friends, or sneak around with some virtual spy software; but I do want to protect you. If I wouldn't go to sleep with our house door unlocked, why would I invite a myriad of strangers into your world without any parent filter ? Why would I allow people I have never met to look at your pictures and say comments that they wouldn't have the courage to say if they met you in person? I trust you, I love you, and it is my job to be your Advocate and protect you; because if I don't do that for you-there is no one else in this entire world who will."
It's really quite simple, if your child is unhappy with you keeping the "spare key" to their cyber kingdom, then they should never set up house to begin with. If they have nothing to hide, then there is no problem sharing. Consider also, that all their "friends" on these social networks, have more access to your teen, then you do, if you can not access their password. It is true and it is a fact, whether you like it or not, that 30 year old "Joe" from work, whom you have never met, will read everything that your daughter's friends have said to her, will see pictures of your daughter that you have NEVER seen, and will know what your daughter did last weekend-which is perhaps more than she has revealed to you. Don't allow your child to sleep with the doors unlocked.
Understand the responsibility of "owning the key" and the conversations that you must continuously initiate as a result of being their cyber advocate. If I shared with you the things I have seen and know about my daughter's friends; things that their parents will never know, because they didn't dare ask for the key, you would be astonished. Someday, also, the words and pictures that they publish on these websites could actually haunt them because colleges, employers, and law enforcement have access to these "keys" even if you foolishly choose not to request one yourself.
Love your child, protect them, guide them, don't smother them; but at any cost don't allow them to surf a web that will eventually drown them-or worse, build a cyber house without a foundation and without you having the keys to their heart. The battle for the keys and what they assume is the "power" will pay off in the long run; when you're no longer looking into a little girl's face, but staring into your grown daughters eyes; knowing that you enabled her to grow peacefully and strong because you protected her.
Learn more about this author, Nancy Todisco.
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No
In today's unsafe world, children and teens are being targeted more than ever on sites such as facebook and myspace. Unfortunately, both sites have become places for pedophiles and such to locate, harass, and seduce children and teens. We have all heard one too many stories about such situations and parents' outrage about them.
Having a profile on both sites for over a year, I can safely say that there is too much "nonsense" going on with teens on this site. Teens lying about their age while adding pictures and words to act the part. I have to say it's a bit disturbing seeing a girl who says she's 15, yet looks about 12, talk about drinking, smoking, partying hard with friends, and experimenting with sex. It seems that a talk needs to be had with her and her parents. But with all this said, I do not think that parents should have their teens' passwords to these sites.
Between Facebook and Myspace, I have to say Myspace is worse. There seems to be no control factor for teens or anyone on the site. While people on my friends list are legitimate people who I know or have known over the years, there are thousands of people who are the exact opposite. I have even had persons send me messages about posing for nude pictures in the UK or other places. These people seem to target just about anyone for any reason. They read your profile, and pretend they know you from somewhere. Or, for the young and gullible, they talk about how beautiful the girl is and how she should be a model. Some even go as far as to make up profiles to attract the young girls to them, making them seem the same age and of similar interests. Each day new profiles are being made, new teens targeted, and new problems arising. And though myspace seems to be deleting as many profiles as are being opened, the "bad" people of the world are finding new ways to get what they want from the site. Myspace does have certain processes in place to try and ensure the safety of their users, but it doesn't seem to be working. As long as teens are on myspace, they will be a target.
Now, this isn't to say that teens should be banned from sites like myspace and facebook. I do believe that teens should have their social life, and be able to connect with their friends in other ways besides text messaging. However, there needs to be other ways to safeguard them than taking their passwords from them. I say that the best way to safeguard our children is communication. Teach them about the dangers sites like these can expose them to. Talk to them about how things are in their life, and encourage them to talk to you about their concerns if any. Most times, teens on these sites talk about things they're interested in, and parents don't even know about it. We need to open the lines of communication in the home so that teens and parents will be informed. We can't stand by our children every second. And while we can do our best to keep them from harm, we can't always be there to protect them. Teaching teens and children about the "bad" things they may encounter may give them a reason to be more careful.
These sites have a long way to go. There's always something they can do to make things more safe for their younger users, and users in general. I believe they too should try and make their sites more safe. However, blaming the sites for our children's mischief and lies isn't the way to go either. Becoming big brother, and treating our teens like they're 5 years old is only going to push them away from us, create new sites without our knowledge, or change their passwords all the time to keep us from seeing what they have on their pages. Maintaining an open honest communication with our children is the best way to help them stay safe on-line.
Learn more about this author, Saralyn Colon.
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