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| Yes | 69% | 1209 votes | Total: 1747 votes | |
| No | 31% | 538 votes |
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Add to FavoritesDistribution of household chores is probably one of the biggest bones of contention between a husband and wife in any marriage. Modern times, being what they are, with both partners working outside the home, man is no longer the sole bread winner. However, instead of alleviating some of the burdens from the woman; she takes an overload if the husband does not pull his weight in the marriage.
When the running of the home is shared, there is an understood implication that a couple are committed to one another, are thoughtful and considerate towards their role in the marriage, and are determined in making the marriage successful. The marriage is successful because both have recognized the importance of doing it together. The sharing of housework becomes a re-affirmation of their love for one another. When a spouse is respected in that way, love can not help but be fostered in an enduring relationship.
When housework becomes the burden of one partner, he/she feels taken advantage of, used, taken for granted, and eventually unloved. Since there is no sense of fair play, eventually any loving feelings toward a spouse will give way to frustration and then resentment. Sometimes, this becomes a factor for dissatisfaction and dissolution of a marriage.
The division of housework unspoken one or formally assigned. The best way to approach this is to list all chores needed to be done and who prefers to do one or the other. Usually, the spouse who minds the least will be assigned that chore. The point being, sharing household chores should basically balance fifty-fifty, sometimes more, sometimes less, depending on circumstances.
With our marriage, we have come to a happy medium as far as the sharing of chores. I have always hated to make the bed, but have maturely come to a fair consensus. Whomever is the last to get out of bed is the one to make the bed. Since my husband can not and does not want to cook, I make the three meals a day, and he gets to clean up the mess. I would have to admit, my husband is a pretty good pot-scrubber.
While my husband loves to putter in the garden and do the landscaping; I let him do all that back-breaking work. I am happy just to watch him outside, playing in the dirt, as I call it. He is in his element when he is working outside, and I always kid him about the man, "outstanding" in his field, hoe and pitchfork, held proudly in his hands. As he plants, grows and waters a summer garden of vegetables; in the fall, I will pick, harvest, cook and store everything he has brought to fruition.
When we travel, my husband will take the highway miles, keeping up or down with the speed limit while I would rather drive with my foot towards the brake, which is pretty well the speed driving around town. As I vacuum and wash the floors, he will be out chopping wood, and keeping the wood stove stacked with wood for the day.
Laundry used to be a communal affair, whomever had the time to do it. These days, it is mostly my task. I have chosen it to be so. Some women have not been as lucky as I am. Their husbands would rather veg out than to help with any household task. Not sharing the load is a keg of dynamite ready to explode. I know, I was there in my first marriage. This sharing of the housework becomes a mission statement for what the marriage is between loving people which says "We are in this marriage together. When we share housework, we are expressing our love for one another. We do this because our marriage is important to us."
Learn more about this author, A. Major.
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No
Is sharing housework between husbands and wives the key to successful marriages?
No.
Sharing the housework is not the key to a successful marriage. While trust, love, and respect are the basic foundation; in my opinion, respect for individuality and the communication and acceptance of expectations are the keys to successful marriages.
Sharing housework is - in my opinion - too simple of an answer. Marriage is a complex arrangement rooted in tradition and stereotypes. The traditional roles and stereotypes are evolving and will continue to change as the current generation and future generations shape society.
Respect for each others individuality provides space to accept the spouse as they are today, and reflect upon and accept how they change over time. Thus, the old marriage clich, "growing or grown apart," becomes void. This space and respect for individuality will be the rule not the exception for marriage as we continue into the 21st century.
Traditionally; women became an extension of their husband once married. Women stayed home, raised the kids, kept the home, and depended on their husband for financial security.
The feminist movement of the 19th century attempted to remove traditional wifely behavior. The movement broke barriers and shattered myths, yet fell short.
Economic forces accompanied by other forces pushed many men, who would otherwise object, to accept there wives working. From the late 80's through the early 90's the husband normally had a higher income than their spouse. In today's society, baring a few exceptions, women are considered equal to men. Moreover, women are entering the workforce faster than ever before and are earning salaries equal to or higher than men. Statistically on average men are paid more than women; nevertheless, most income earned by women is enough to provide financial independence. Further, financial independence provides individuality, confidence, and a sense of self-worth.
This individuality an individuality that most men already have embedded from upbringing and is beginning to be taught to women requires that the husband and wife provide space for each to be themselves. This space replaces the traditional action of submission. This individuality provides for the marriage union that is truly a 50/50 partnership. A union where both man and woman share head of household duties and share the gavel.
Due to changing roles and broken stereotypes, the communication of expectations increases in importance. Moreover, the acceptance of communicated expectations is pivotal.
The traditional marriage where the male earns the income and the female raises the kids and maintains the home remains one of the best forms of marriage. A married couple that is into swinging can be successful. A rare - but growing in number - marriage where the female is the bread winner can be great as well. The key is finding the partner who feels the same way and at the minimum accepts the expectations communicated.
No aspect of the relationship can be overlooked. Everything from housework to intimacy should be covered to the extent that there are no surprises. Too often, men and women behave one way prior to marriage and different once married (some of that has to do with suppressed individuality). Once a specific topic is breached it is up to each to accept or decline. Either way, each should clearly understand where each stands followed by the appropriate rational action instead of taking action based on assumptions.
Again, the answer to the question," Is sharing housework the key to successful marriage," is - no.
Sharing the housework can be a part of a successful marriage. Additionally a marriage where the woman does the all the housework can be successful. Today, you may even have the male doing all the housework. Each can be a successful marriage. In my opinion, it solely depends on communicated and accepted expectations.
Learn more about this author, Quintino Johnson.
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