No

by Quintino Johnson

Created on: July 19, 2008

Is sharing housework between husbands and wives the key to successful marriages?

No.

Sharing the housework is not the key to a successful marriage. While trust, love, and respect are the basic foundation; in my opinion, respect for individuality and the communication and acceptance of expectations are the keys to successful marriages.

Sharing housework is - in my opinion - too simple of an answer. Marriage is a complex arrangement rooted in tradition and stereotypes. The traditional roles and stereotypes are evolving and will continue to change as the current generation and future generations shape society.

Respect for each others individuality provides space to accept the spouse as they are today, and reflect upon and accept how they change over time. Thus, the old marriage clich, "growing or grown apart," becomes void. This space and respect for individuality will be the rule not the exception for marriage as we continue into the 21st century.

Traditionally; women became an extension of their husband once married. Women stayed home, raised the kids, kept the home, and depended on their husband for financial security.

The feminist movement of the 19th century attempted to remove traditional wifely behavior. The movement broke barriers and shattered myths, yet fell short.

Economic forces accompanied by other forces pushed many men, who would otherwise object, to accept there wives working. From the late 80's through the early 90's the husband normally had a higher income than their spouse. In today's society, baring a few exceptions, women are considered equal to men. Moreover, women are entering the workforce faster than ever before and are earning salaries equal to or higher than men. Statistically on average men are paid more than women; nevertheless, most income earned by women is enough to provide financial independence. Further, financial independence provides individuality, confidence, and a sense of self-worth.

This individuality an individuality that most men already have embedded from upbringing and is beginning to be taught to women requires that the husband and wife provide space for each to be themselves. This space replaces the traditional action of submission. This individuality provides for the marriage union that is truly a 50/50 partnership. A union where both man and woman share head of household duties and share the gavel.

Due to changing roles and broken stereotypes, the communication of expectations increases in importance. Moreover, the acceptance of communicated expectations is pivotal.

The traditional marriage where the male earns the income and the female raises the kids and maintains the home remains one of the best forms of marriage. A married couple that is into swinging can be successful. A rare - but growing in number - marriage where the female is the bread winner can be great as well. The key is finding the partner who feels the same way and at the minimum accepts the expectations communicated.

No aspect of the relationship can be overlooked. Everything from housework to intimacy should be covered to the extent that there are no surprises. Too often, men and women behave one way prior to marriage and different once married (some of that has to do with suppressed individuality). Once a specific topic is breached it is up to each to accept or decline. Either way, each should clearly understand where each stands followed by the appropriate rational action instead of taking action based on assumptions.

Again, the answer to the question," Is sharing housework the key to successful marriage," is - no.

Sharing the housework can be a part of a successful marriage. Additionally a marriage where the woman does the all the housework can be successful. Today, you may even have the male doing all the housework. Each can be a successful marriage. In my opinion, it solely depends on communicated and accepted expectations.

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