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Is it healthy to find school friends on Myspace or Facebook after a peaceful 15 years without them?
Results so far:
| Yes | 66% | 864 votes | Total: 1303 votes | |
| No | 34% | 439 votes |
Yes
by Elizabeth M Young
Created on: October 07, 2010
We will always host a healthy curiosity about the outcomes in life for our grade school, high school and college. We are even capable of remembering classmates from training programs and shorter term educational events and wanting to know how they are doing.
From the schoolyard bully or mortal social enemy to the kid who always was a treat to see every day, we have a healthy and natural need to know where they are and how they are doing.
But social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace have encouraged too many ways to cause trouble through polar opposites of privacy. The vast majority are led into an open and unprotected world, then pressured or misled in many ways to reveal far too much about themselves, their locations and their families and friends.
From the other direction these sites allow too much anonymity and false persona, creating conditions that are perfect for the on line equivalent of social voyeurism, spying, invading privacy or even stalking of people from the past. These are not healthy mechanisms and they can very easily get out of control.
Even though we were young or very young when we interacted with our classmates, we went through profound experiences and traumas that formed us as we are today. These are not formative or experiential events that are to be minimized or taken lightly because of youth and lack of development at the time. It is very easy for a past love to turn into an obsession. It is very easy for the trauma of being bullied to trigger a desire to retaliate or to show off to all how well we are doing.
From the other side, it is equally very easy for a bully who turned into a sociopath or a criminal to find that an old target is now making him or herself available again. It is easy for a love interest who never really had character or integrity to find that an old victim is now available for another round of unhealthy romantic games.
In the middle, it is a treat to reacquaint ourselves with classmates who were a pleasant part of our lives, but who were not personally or emotionally close enough for a complete relationship to establish. If that were the case, we would have moved sun, moon and earth to stay in touch throughout the years.
In real life, parents, the wider circle of friends and other people serve as anchors who keep webs of information about school acquaintances and friends active and alive. When we leave our hometowns, never to return or to interact with anyone, that is for a reason and that reason is usually either for our well being after bad experiences, or is because we are not built with any affection for the place.
The bottom line is that maintaining a well protected MySpace or Facebook account, exercising caution and restraint when finding old classmates, and not instantly diving in to a full pool of relationship issues can lead to some interesting and enjoyable reunions. In the worst cases, we can at least gain some fuller and wiser understandings of the people who occupied most of our day for several years of our lives.
Learn more about this author, Elizabeth M Young.
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No
by Daniel Cloud
Created on: April 11, 2012
I do not believe it is healthy to use Facebook to seek out friends from the past, especially after a 15 year hiatus. For some reason or another, you and your old friend separated from one another in the past. Whether someone moved away, you slowly lost touch as you got busier in life, you married and had kids, or you had a particular reason to burn bridges with this person; there is no point in trying to catch up a decade and a half later.
I know many people have personally browsed through their old high school yearbooks and searched for old friends, or girlfriends and boyfriends from high school. Finding them on Facebook and then contacting them usually results in a “Hi, how have you been?” and then that is the only “conversation” you will ever have with that person. From then on, your old friend is just another name on that friends list. Your friend is not on your friends list because you are truly friends, he or she is there as a reminder that you were friends at one time. That former friend is merely a number on a list.
Depending on your age, 15 years ago could mean junior high, high school, college, or perhaps an old job. There is absolutely no reason to contact someone you knew when you were in junior high. If you two had kept in touch with each other over the years as long-distance friends, then that is one thing… But to randomly search for them on Facebook to say hello is somewhat creepy in my opinion. I would be disturbed if a friend from middle school contacted me on Facebook to catch up. What could I possibly have in common or to even say to that person? We were just kids, and now we have our own completely different lives.
As for high school and college, there is less of a creepy factor and more of a thought process such as, “Why do I really want to contact them, and what difference will it ever make?” It may be fun to find someone, but are you really going to go have lunch with them? Chances are, as I said before, they will just become another face, number, and name on your Facebook friends list. The older we get, the smaller our group of friends become. This is due to having families, work, and typically very busy lives.
As for me, on a personal note; I had dozens of great friends in high school and college, but as I get closer to the age of 30, I find that I have about 3 true, real friends. Most people will have a few friends that stick with them through life. You may not talk to each other all the time, but you see each other every month or two to keep the friendship alive. Most of your other friends will become acquaintances, and then you lose contact. That is life.
Lastly is a warning. Never under any circumstances contact an ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend that went sour in the past. This leads to nothing but trouble: bad memories, wondering what if you had stayed together, and you will most certainly find out that after 15 years neither of you have anything in common that would rekindle the old flame. Stay away from exes at all costs.
Stick with your current friends and family. Keep in touch with long-distance friends that you currently have. Don’t waste your time searching for old, old friends, because nothing will come of it. If something were to happen, and you decide to meet; you will see that you are no longer friends for a reason. People choose different paths in life, so look to the future, and cherish the friends you have right now.
Learn more about this author, Daniel Cloud.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.
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