Should it be compulsory for couples to sign a prenuptial agreement before marriage?

Yes

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by Stephanie K

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Most women work these days, thereby finding themselves increasingly in positions of prominence. Sadly, their wages have lagged behind men regardless of their success. I believe it is wrong for a woman's financial independence to suffer because of outdated ideas in the workplace about their contributions. Women deserve the same opportunity and pay as men. It is wrong to discriminate on the basis of gender.

In the sixties, women threw out the notion of domestic servitude. It is rare to find a working class or middle class woman who stays at home for her entire marriage. The cost of living these days requires two incomes. Houses are expensive and men no longer tolerate the burden of mortgages, car payments, education, toiletries and other expenses alone. They expect women to contribute. If women made the same amount of money as men, they would be able to save more money for themselves as well as contribute more to the household income.

The average woman who expects the pampered lifestyle of a housewife these days is usually upper class. Typically, she lacks drive and ambition. With all the interesting opportunities for women in travel, education and career choices, her refusal to get a life and get out there is disconcerting and disappointing. She wants to backtrack to the fifties. These women are not interested in raising kids, supporting their husbands' careers and taking care of a home.

A peek into their lifestyle indicates that this is an accurate conclusion to make about their expectations in marriage. Few women have large families. Many of these women are not particularly religious. They are not married to workaholics or businessmen who travel. They did not grow up in a large family with a mother who cooked and cleaned all day. Many of them do not cook and clean at all. They have no interest in developing their children. They don't devote large amounts of time to recreational, creative and intellectual activities with their children. They do not help with household chores and homework.

They can afford childcare, nannies and babysitters. They can coax their friends and relatives into taking care of their kids. They can go away for the weekend and spend time shopping with friends. The days starts off with making coffee and shoving a box of cereal on the table. The kids go to school and have a driver or walk themselves to the bus. This is not the type of mother who makes homemade sausages and pancakes for breakfast. She may even have a shopper for her groceries. She may just order food. Dinner may consist of takeout, leftover catering, instant junk food and delivery. She is not the type to host dinner parties, clean the house, work on home renovations, plant a garden, maintain the pool or any other domestic activity.

Some of these women may cheat, use drugs, neglect their children, abuse them or worse. It is ridiculous to paint an ideal image of the modern housewife who has little in common with her fifties counterpart: a self-sacrificing, subservient woman who put her kids and husband first for their sake and spent hours laboring over activities that ranged from the maintenance of a perfect home to hosting parties to embroidery. The expectations of the modern women are completely different.

There is a lot of focus on deadbeat dads and men who abandon their wives. I do not condone men neglecting and abandoning their wives. A man should see his children and pay child support. They only make up part of the problem. It is a form of bias to ignore the failure of certain women to live up to their obligations in marriage. Certainly there is domestic violence, neglect and verbal abuse but this essay is not focused on those issues. It is inexcusable for a woman to be treated that way.

Because of the modern state of marriage, with its instability and easy ways to get out, a prenuptial agreement makes sense for a number of reasons. Women are capable of supporting themselves financially. They do not need the financial support of men. Alimony is justifiable in a limited number of cases. If a man provides the income for the house, then legally the house should be considered his. Otherwise, it is theft sanctioned by the courts. Some women automatically expect a house along with custody of children. Some have used kids to gain the house and maintenance.

Eighty-five percent of divorces are filed by women, not men. There is an implicit assumption in society and the courts that the person filing is the victim and the defendant is the perpetrator. The present system of divorce is divisive and acrimonious. If people want out they should be allowed to do so. A divorce for just cause should be treated differently under the law than a divorce without just cause. Generally, law makes little distinction. A woman can file for a divorce for little reason and demand more than half a man's income, his house and his children.

The children deserve both parents. Joint custody is the ideal, unless one parent can be proven with evidence, reports and witnesses, to be a completely incompetent parent with little chance of change in the future. Only then should full custody be granted to one of the parents, regardless of gender. Giving birth doesn't make one a good parent. If women generally work and have other relationships after a divorce or breakup, they would benefit from more involvement with the father. It would also be harder for a woman to pack up and leave without the husband's approval. His concern is for his children. Men who desire the maintenance of a relationship with their children are unfairly labeled as chauvinists when they aspire to be fathers. Their interest is not in controlling the lives of their ex-wives.

For these reasons, a prenuptial agreement can protect the rights of men and children in divorce. A woman can be guaranteed protection of her own income and property if she is the higher earner and/or the provisioner of income for her own property. It also protects her property rights and inheritance. Provisions can be made for alimony and child support. In some situations, both parties contribute to property maintenance and co-own a property. Clauses regarding the division of this property can be added later on with the approval of each side's lawyers and standards can be clarified by the courts.

A prenuptial agreement can protect someone from an arbitrary divorce that was undesirable by stating what rights he or she has. It also helps to develop a sense of trust and can weed out unsuitable spouses. People who protest fair prenuptial agreements may not be worth marrying. Their motivations may be questionable. If they come around and negotiate, that suggests fairness and flexibility on their parts.

The legal system should step in and set basic guidelines for division of mutual assets and alimony along with child support. These guidelines should be used to work out prenuptial agreements. They should not be based on communal property and absolute equality in division of assets and property in divorce but a sense of fairness. If a prenuptial agreement is extremely unfair and biased, a person should have a limited right to contest it during a divorce proceeding but this right should be restricted and regulated by the court system.

Prenuptial agreements are a shield against financial exploitation, unnecessary divorce, opportunists and self-centered narcissists with a sense of entitlement. If I had money and was thinking of marriage, I would want one for myself and my spouse.

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