Life support: Should the wishes of the family take precedence over the patient's right to relieve his own suffering?

No

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by Nancy Todisco

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Life is precious, joyful, and one heck of a bumpy roller coaster ride. Some of us live cautiously, never forgetting to buckle up for all life's jolts and turbulence. Others of us prefer to throw our hands up in the air, and feel the wind whip through our core, in order to take the ride of a lifetime. Which ever coaster ride you choose, eventually the ride must conclude. For some of us, the ride ends too abruptly, while we barely had time to savor the trip. Others, will spend a lifetime riding the coaster of life, until their frail bodies demand the ride to come to a halt. One never knows which path the ride will take us on; but after the loss of a fellow rider, it becomes evident that life is fragile and should be cherished.

Humankind appears to be robust at times, and stong willed. But when tragedy grasps us and unfairly stops our ride, we soon realize how delicate Human life is; how fragile our relationships and the bonds the bind us. Truly, we are all hanging by a delicate, silken thread which can be severed at a moment's notice.

I have just experienced the greatest loss in my life, the woman who took all of life's greatest and most ferocious rides with me; the woman who gave me the actual courage to take all of my life's roller-coaster rides (even when I would have been very secure standing on the sidelines); my precious mentor, friend, confidant,- my mother. I have some extremely strong feelings on giving a voice to those who can no longer speak for themselves, and providing respect to those who so selflessly earned ours.

I firmly believe that if a person has transitioned out of this life and their physical body; then they have a right , and we have an obligation as their descendants, to allow them that peace, that transition; that life beyond these earthly limitations.

Had I not witnessed such a heart wrenching scenario, as my own Mother's sudden and most painful death, I might have not feel as strongly and deeply as I do about our obligation to fulfill our loved one's last wishes. There comes a point in someone's life, if we are blessed enough to be a part of their passing, that the family will gather and make some very difficult decisions. I feel that human life is precious, and when someone is closest to God, almost in the palms of his hands; I feel it becomes evident that life is all the more precious, and death can sometimes conquer the pain they are experiencing. Perhaps those of us left behind now become the ones suffering the excruciating pain of their physical loss; but to negotiate with God and insist a suffering person remain in such a position, seems fruitless, and down right selfish.

Our human race has all sorts of groups focused on protection. We protect animal's rights, the rain forests, all aspects of the environment; we instill declarations, regulations, and constitutions. Yet somehow, we lose focus when the life we love is slipping through our hands in our own plain vision. We somehow reach a level of inhumanity , in a very pure and deliberate effort to preserve the life of the ones we adore.

Consider please, my own experience with my mother. One day I was shopping, laughing, and holding her hand. Ten days later, I was holding onto the same fragile hand, begging and bargaining with anyone to let me feel the pulse of life in that hand; to give me just one more sweet roller coaster ride with that precious woman. And when the moment finally came, when we had to make the decision for her, I couldn't bare to see her suffer anymore, or to think of her being a shadow of the vibrant spirit and personality she had always been to all of us.

I wanted her to pass away with dignity and grace; not that there is much of that when medical teams are performing their own roller coaster ride on someone's heart. In my own torment , and our family's torture of kissing her lifeless body for the last time, and caressing those silky cheeks, I begrudgingly walked out of her hospital room. As I picked up my weakened head, and bruised spirit, I caught a glance of an image to my left, that I won't soon forget. It was an elderly woman on life support, all alone, gasping for breath; or begging for death......it was hard to tell which scenario was true. It was then that I realized that God had not been cruel to me; he had been so desperately kind.

I could not bear witness to ever see my energetic and courageous mother in such a state of almost vegitation. I'm sure this women's family loved her as deeply as I loved, and continue to love, my Mom. It's just somehow, somewhere, no one realized that this poor soul's ride had ended...why wouldn't that just let her off that ride, and onto the next one?

While I respect everyones life to choose what is best for their own well being, I can only speak about what I have experienced and witnessed. My thoughts are strong, Life is an awesome ride, and when the roller-coaster stops, you have to muster up the courage to unbuckle and let a new journey begin.

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