Agree

by Meadow Lark

Created on: May 19, 2008   Last Updated: May 17, 2012

My mother was a paranoid schizophrenic. If you are reading this and you have a family member with a similar diagnosis, you know the difficult decisions that have to be made, not only for your physical and mental well-being, but your loved ones.

My mother attempted suicide numerous times. In fact, there were so many times that I lost count. When I was a child, I remember my father and I drove the long, quiet ride to Thomason General's psych ward. I touched one side of the glass, and my mother touched the other. Children were not allowed in the ward for good reason.

There were other moments in time that were landmarks to me, like the time she ran down our street screaming. I've been to support groups for adult children of the mentally ill. A new member to the group asked, "So, I guess all of you have a story where they've run down the street naked." I chimed in and said, "Actually MY mother kept her slip on!" It REALLY was the truth. I remember hearing laughter at that point. I found myself laughing, as well. There are so many tragic episodes, so many tears, so many trips to hospitals and so many stories, it just helps to be able to laugh on occasion.

Should the state force the mentally ill into treatment even if they are not an "imminent threat" to themselves or others? This is a tremendously difficult question to address. I read with interest some articles written by professionals in this field. I have also suffered the stares and indifference of some of the intake staff at mental hospitals and treatment centers. Given my mother's state when she quit taking her medicine because "there was nothing wrong" with her and knowing how very difficult it was to explain to uneducated nursing staff at a hospital near Austin, Texas, I must say, "YES, PLEASE HELP THEIR SUFFERING!". There should be trained staff who know what to look for and specific criteria the professionals use, just as there would be for making a diagnosis of a heart attack. I suspect some professionals should and could write books on this subject and all the definitions of mentally ill or "imminent threat".

The majority of people don't want to see anyone who is sane forced into treatment, but what should society do with the ones that are insane? The ones, like my mother, who stop taking their meds on a routine basis and become so distraught, so "mad", if you will, that they verbally and physically attack others, YET, when they agree to see a psychiatrist or social worker, their entire demeanor changes. It causes the family to do a double take. Over time, the family learns the downward spiral and who can they turn to for help? There simply has to be help for the advanced cases.

There is a noticeable trend today to place the mentally ill in prisons. I am reading an excellent book entitled, "Crazy" by Pete Earley. It is a difficult book to read, but I highly recommend it. Mr. Earley is a well-known writer whose son was diagnosed as being bipolar. He writes about the learning curve he had with this difficult diagnosis and his son's actions in his early 20s. The families of the newly diagnosed tend to trust the health care professionals to a fault, at times. The frustrations come in waves.

After my father passed away, I had to move my mother closer to my area of Texas. The first thing that had to be done, we learned over time, was call a local MHMR facility. I did that right away when mother moved because I always remembered what one psychiatrist told me when I inquired of my mother's illness. Dr. H said, "the notes say that if your mother is not on her medicine, a tent would have to be placed over her." Was I shocked to hear that? Not really, it surprised me very little. There were times when I needed that tent. Sadly, when I called the local MHMR, the employee who answered the phone told me that my mother would have to be the one to make the phone call and set up the appointment! Oh, my gosh! There are employees who just don't get it sometimes. That's a BIG part of the problem! The mentally ill think THEY are fine. Why would they call for help when they think it's everyone else that needs help?!

My mother is gone now. She passed away a few years ago. The suffering for her is over. I loved her, as did my father. I have absolutely no idea how they stay married. On my father's death bed, I assured him that I would take care of Mother, although I had no idea how that would happen. He looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, "It runs deep". I knew what he meant. At the end of his life, even though there were terrifying times with my mother and every day frustrations, he loved her. It ran deep for both of them.

Although, I loved both of my parents very much, it was very difficult to see their struggles and lack of joy. I believe I was a unique observer because somehow my parents were able to raise me in the midst of the chaos, cries in the middle of the night or laughter at "messages" in the newspaper. There are no easy decisions when it comes to mental illness. It saddens me greatly when I hear of schizophrenic mothers drowning their children or college students on a killing rampage.

As my sister and I would often say, "we have a lot of problems but no solutions." I wish there were easy answers to questions regarding the mentally ill. I have seen treatment facilities that were doing it "right". My mother would stay a few weeks, get some therapy and, of course, her meds. She would come out a bit shaky, but she came out walking and cherishing her family and life SO much more than when she went in. Isn't that what we all want for our loved ones?

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