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Adultery: Affairs are a "forgivable sin"
Results so far:
| Agree | 53% | 1563 votes | Total: 2937 votes | |
| Disagree | 47% | 1374 votes |
Agree
by Lolita Townsend
Created on: May 16, 2008
I feel that being able trust your partner is far more important in a relationship than monogamy. How can one live with someone they can not trust completely? It can be done but it can not be healthy or happy for either partner.
Adultery is an awful insult to the partner that one has chosen besides the sin. It often leads the partner to doubt themselves and their own worthiness. It can cause depression and cause them to sin themselves. It leaves the impression that the partner was not satisfied in the relationship or that one partner was not good enough for the other.
It should however be a forgivable sin. Jesus died that we may all be forgiven for our sins. The point of that forgiveness is to show love and mercy on behalf of God. Since we were born into sin then we are all sinners and that means we are apt to fail to meet every guideline or law that is put before us.
The Bible also teaches us that we are forgiven and therefore we must forgive as well. It is a hurtful situation to be cheated on whether it is within a marriage or not, but even more so when the one that has vowed to love, honor, and cherish us has turned to another. It can be devastating to the person that is cheated on and the relationship.
In most cases adultery is not the only sin that takes place. Most that are having adulteress affairs are lying to their partner about where they have been and what they have been doing or will flat out lie about the fact that they committed the act if and when they get caught. Lying is a sin as well. If we can not be forgiven for adultery why should we be forgiven of any other sins? Forgiveness does not necessarily mean that there will be no punishment for that sin. There is always a reaction for every action.
Forgiveness does not mean merely saying, "I forgive you." It means putting the past behind you and moving forward to a better future. If the marriage or partnership is meant to continue it can survive much worse than an affair and usually will. However, the sinning should cease. If it continues then the relationship may in jeopardy and karma of course kicks in.
In order to find peace within oneself forgiveness must be allowed. If one can not forgive their partner bitterness may set in which adds to the strife and the strain in the relationship. The fact is if one feels they can not trust their partner they will not always share with their partner and making them more vulnerable to sin as well.
Jesus forgave the adulteress woman and said that those without sin could cast the first stone. None were willing to do this because none was without sin. He also told her to go and not sin again because she had been forgiving. That did not guarantee that she would never sin but did let her know to do her best not to sin again.
If we are willing to forgive those that sin against us we can also be forgiven of our sins. I was cheated on by my first husband for a year. I knew but didn't know how to deal with it. I was able to find it in myself to forgive him and her. She and I continue to be friends twenty years later though he and I do not speak and long ago ended that unhealthy relationship. Both of us moved on to find happiness apart from on another with new and wonderful partners.
I have been cheated on by my current husband in the past, as well. Though I never intended to do it, I found myself in an adulteress affair with my own best friend. I am thankful that my husband found mercy and forgiveness in his heart for me and my partner in this sinful act. Though my husband and I continue to work on improving our relationship daily, the fact that we were both able to find forgiveness allows for greater communication within our love.
The key to all good relationships is honest open communication. If you can not trust your partner it is hard to have that. It is important to let your partner know what you expect from the relationship and to find out what is expected of you. This is why I believe that trust is far more important then whether or not one has been cheated on.
If you are in a trusting relationship anything that may be missing should be able to be found within the relationship as long as you communicate that need and if you are forgiving of all their faults not just the small ones you can also be forgiven for yours.
Learn more about this author, Lolita Townsend.
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Disagree
by Carmel Brulez
Created on: April 29, 2010 Last Updated: April 30, 2010
Those who argue that affairs are a "forgiveable sin" are usually the people who have committed the sin and hate the idea that it cannot be swept under the carpet and forgotten about..... OR people who take one day at a time, do not look at WHY the person was unfaithful in the first place, nor how to prevent it from ever happening again.
As a relationship expert and life coach of many years I have spoken to a lot of people who are married who claim that their marriage was fantastic and very happy until their partner cheated them.
It rarely occurs to them that if their partner had been happy they would not have cheated on the first place! A good marriage is about communication, being open and honest with each other, compromising and sharing common goals; not where two people pull in totally opposite directions.
There are all different reasons for committing adultery but someone who truly believes that their spouse is wonderful and giving them everything they need in relation to love, romance and sex does not cheat. Nobody goes out for a hamburger when they have a juicy steak at home. These things do not just happen for no reason, they are not accidents.
Even if you are drunk and thrown together with someone who fancies you or a stranger you have a choice and can say no and someone who is happily married would not have sex with that person.
One problem is that women tend to forgive affairs and pretend to themselves it was a one off (or it only happened 87 times). Then they think that if the nag and moan and insist that it never happens again their partner will do as they say.
Instead the partner has not changed, he is still not totally satisfied with his wife, only now he is even less satisfied with her because she is moaning and nagging more and he also knows he can get away with it because she always just moans and nags instead of leaving him.
Forgiving is pointles if you do not analyse why it happened and how to prevent it happening again. You cannot just tell your naughty spouse off and get him to sit on the naughty step as if he is a little child who would not eat his breakfast!
Another problem is that some people like the idea that their spouse is a belonging, not a person with their own needs and feelings. They may resort to locking them in the house, checking their phone, never allowing them out alone,as if the fact of preventing them from taking up an opportunity elsewhere is the solution.
All that achieves is that the adulterous one becomes more and more bored and frustrated and resentful at being imprisoned and even more desperate to cheat when they get a chance to. They may be sitting there dutifully watching television with you but their thoughts and hopes are elsewhere and they wish they were too.
In an open marriage where both are secure and safe in the knowledge that they have an agreement to do as they please and get back together again, treating sex as a game, it might work, but when love, romance, sadness and bitterness creep in because it was more than fun or it was not agreed then the damage it does it ever lasting.
Religious people, those who are scared to be alone, those who have nowhere to go, no job and no money, might stay, but they will not be happy. It is best to make surethat you are never at the mercy of your partner, totallay dependent on them for somewhere to live, money or anything else. That way you can always walk away if you decide it is in your best interests.
Learn more about this author, Carmel Brulez.
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