The metrosexual man versus the cowboy: What do women want?

The Cowboy

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by Kevin Holten

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This'll puncture your bubble, ache your belly, uplift your eyebrows and perplex your perceptions; "Mommas don't let your good girls grow up to marry, date, run around with, look at, dream about or talk to (rodeo) cowboys!"

Now, this is not to dissuade you from your cowboy preference. However, before we go too far we should make an immediate distinction between a female wanting marriage, a home, family life and security and one who wants to ride the wild horse.

Because with "A" you might be sorry unless your eyes are wide open and with "B" you're definitely going to be sorry as you lay back saying "whew! with a comb in one hand for your ruffled hair and a smoke and a goodbye wave in the other.

And yes I know that "Cowboy" here might not totally and definitively mean cowboy in the Biblical sense as in "man on horse" as much as "straight, macho, independent man who knows what he wants and whisks a woman away in his big meaty arms". But I feel the need to warn you about real rodeo cowboys just the same.

Then again maybe it's just a guilt driven thing, with I having tasted the worm at the bottom of that tequila bottle so to speak or having a healthy fear for my nieces because thank God I didn't have any daughters.

You see most rodeo cowboys are really the son's of ranchers who are trying to get out of hard work and finding it easy to do so because the old man is proud of their success, hangs their pictures and clippings on the wall and then gives all the work to the other brother who is stuck back at the ranch laboring from dawn till dusk to help finance his brother's rodeo addiction.

It's a complete inequity that originated with the dawn of the wild west as even Buffalo Bill Cody probably had a brother who got left behind when he started his Wild West Show.

And you must realize that the difference between the love life of a rodeo cowboy and your average rock star is very slight except for the variance in terms used to describe "groupies" and "buckle bunnies" who come from a similar mold despite their contrariety in dress.

It's the trail, the travel, the white lines, the challenge, the applause and excitement that drives your man on and it's what he loves the most, before you, besides you and even when he's with you.

Addictions are like that, you see, sweeping a person up until all else pales in comparison, matters only slightly and becomes but filler between adrenaline highs.

It's almost carnival like, the going from town to town, city to city, always on the road and sometimes forgetting where you're at, mixed with broken bones, concussions, knockouts, buck offs, victories, stitches, casts and emergency rooms, which is when you can really shine if you've got any Clara Barton tendencies.

And forget about things like open communication, him saying the right things at the right times or bathing you with gifts, monogamy and being with your family on the holidays. It won't happen or if it does you'll be marking it down on your calendar to look back on with fondness.

You should also be prepared to field calls from a drunk cowboy at three in the morning who's apparently not gotten lucky at the post rodeo dance because "buckle bunnies" are so fickle you know, always going from one wrangler to another without any loyalty or decency, I mean what's this world coming to?

Nevertheless I've been in the city enough to know that when a metro sexual man puts the moves on you the best advise is to clad yourself in your favorite aerobic attire and track shoes and sprint the other way until his BMW runs out of gas or he develops a hangnail and has to rush to his favorite manicurist.

Because what a rodeo cowboy might lack in understanding and sensitivity, romance and kindness he'll more than make up for in honesty and courage, he being compelled to protect you, fight for you, open doors for you, tip his hat to you and ultimately die for you.

The key is whether or not you can survive his rodeo career and addiction and whether the product is in good enough shape after wards for you to still want to make the purchase because it'll take a couple of years for your hero to fully heal from his wounds.

Nevertheless, once you rope the dude in he'll be putty in your hands, albeit strong, sturdy putty who'll be unshakable and a little stubborn in his convictions and true to you....until he gets together with some old rodeo buddies sometime somewhere and forgets who he is and remembers what he used to be, tempted once again by the evil apple but easily drawn back in by your saintly patience, understanding and undying love.

Still, my best advise is......marry the other brother.

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