Are virtual relationships taking precedence over real life relationships?

Yes

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by Dee Hill

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I read this question, and I imagined myself sitting at my computer with my hands placed on the keyboard and wires shooting up my arms. Headgear and mouthpiece, the microphone picks up a little bit of feedback. "Excuse me," as I lean in to adjust some settings. Fingers fluttering miles a minute, pages and pages of text. I read somewhere about the link between insomniac behavior and late night Internet surfing: that the brain is vibrantly stimulated while online and that it takes quite a bit of time to get all the nodes to settle into sleep mode.

And to that end, imagine the last time you had a sit-down conversation. Perhaps you stifled a yawn? Faded in and out? Wondered if you forgot to turn off a curling iron or what you need from the grocery store?

I think of most people in the business world who have a Smart Phone, a personal digital assistant, a tablet computer or a laptop all within arm's reach. Pecking and plugging, incessantly checking e-mails, spreadsheets, and reports, rushing to beat deadlines. Step into a coffeehouse and you hope, you pray for some decent signal strength.

I think that the sheer force of the virtual world is astounding. Our dependence is vast, even if it's in the name of convenience. I could live off of some Ramen noodles. I can plug in a portable fan if the air conditioner is out. I can go for a walk around the neighborhood if I'm running low on gasoline. I can cook instead of dining out. But, lo and behold, if the cable modem isn't pumping full throttle down- and upstream, daily routines are all but shot. The question of whether virtual or real-life relationships take precedence is a more specific reference to the power, the grip, and the pervasiveness of the Internet in everyday life anyway.

Social networking on the Web provides a much more expansive realm of potential contacts and associations. It's a matter of sheer exposure. Join one among any number of web portal services out there and many, many individuals are within clicking range. Classify them according to demographics, run a few searches, and you can set up your ideal friendship network. Beyond the everyday people one encounters in school or at work, the potential to meet new people is stunted greatly.

Out of sheer convenience, it's nice to type someone a couple of lines. They don't have to be on the other end, even. They'll get the message. Even if they don't pay attention to it or accidentally delete it, the record of your presence is there. Unlike a voicemail that you can refuse to check or let fill up, online presences are much more lingering and accessible, almost unavoidable. It seems to take less effort and time than a telephone call, and it certainly doesn't feel any less conversational or stilted, especially if you've got a good and timely typist on the other end.

Another bonus is that you can really create a virtual web space - I'm talking an atmosphere around your computer as you share it with friends. Right now, I've got a great online radio station playing in the background and some soft desk lighting. I can sip some hot tea and really unwind with a great chat that feels every bit as emotionally real as a face-to-face encounter without sacrificing a bit of comfort.

Of course, I have friends scattered throughout the country that I wouldn't have encountered any other way. What really bewilders me, though, is the level of interest and involvement we have in each other's lives. I say that with a little bitterness. I'm in my mid-twenties and exhausted with the notion of the fairweather friend, of which many, many, many run rampant in this college town. It's one thing to grab a beer; it's totally different to turn vulnerable and let people into your world. My online friends, they know me and care for me in a surprisingly powerful way, enough that it's easy to chortle at so-and-so down the street who couldn't be troubled to come over for dinner. Sad but true. Everyday people get caught up in their own frustrations, routines, and matters going on. It seems, however, that we can all agree to get on the chat forum at a time that's convenient for all of us, and we can share on our own terms.

I can get fed up with the real world and retreat to my online haven where friends and loved ones are waiting for me without consequence or drama. Even the act of getting in and logging on requires a shut door, quiet, some privacy, and the preconceived notion that someone, anyone can be there for you in a time of need.

The question is, how many of your real life relationships have that much impact? For myself, it's few - if we're just talking numbers - but it's no less fascinating to consider and reconsider. My best online friends and I often reflect on how cool, hip, and modern it is to be hundreds of miles away physically but to have the emotional connection as if time and space were no such constraint.

Virtual relationships can suit a number of personal and emotional needs, and the ability to reach out and connect to so many people outside of your typical to-do routine; it's just an impressive sight to behold. Its presence is almost undeniable, and if I don't know better, I'm hard pressed to think of a time in which I had to leave my house and walk down the street to visit with a friend. I haven't really looked back either - perhaps, at best, with some kind nostalgia and the temptation to call children nowadays "whippersnappers" for not knowing better themselves. But why would they? They're just as jacked-in as the rest of us.

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