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Corporal punishment has proven to be an effective discipline tool in my family for generations. My grandparents, my parents, and my husband and I have all used corporal punishment as a last -resort discipline tool. As a teacher I have also seen it as a successful deterrent when other measures have failed.
First my grandparents raised eight children using this method, all of whom grew up to be wonderful, productive members of society. None of them are violent, nor did they abuse their children. Now, it needs to be clear that their use of this method was limited to a true spanking on the behind. They never hit their children elsewhere nor did they bruise or leave any marks other than maybe a short-lived red spot.
As their eight children began to raise their own children, four married spouses who also thought corporal punishment was allowable , but the other four of them married people who did not believe in corporal punishment. Now out of the eight grandchildren who were given swats when they became out of line, all have turned out to be productive and well balanced in their adult lives. All have graduated from high school and either went on to college or a technical training school. Only two have been divorced, and tweny-five percent is well below the national average of the fifty percent divorce rate.
Then there are the other nine grandchildren raised by parents who did not use corporal punishment. Unfortunately only one has a consistent and socially acceptable job, and all nine have been divorced at least once. Seven have criminal records and two have spent time in prison or jail. Obviously all of their problems can not be blamed on not being given a quick swat to the behind as children, but they defintely may have benefitted from learning their actions have consequences.
As an educator I have often assigned the topic of corporal punishment to my students, and for twenty years it has been consistently true that the students who write that they think corporal punishment is an acceptable means of punishment are also my most well-behaved and successful students. Their creativity does not in any way appear to be diminished, and they seem to be well balanced mentally. The students who write in opposition to this type of punishment usually admit it is not used by their family. They are more often than not the least successful academically and more defiant in class than the others.
As far as my husband and I, we do use spanking when all else has failed. We mostly used it when our children were younger. As they matured, we have used it very little because they are well-behaved and loving children. Both are in the top two percent of their classes. They are outgoing and creative and well liked by their peers. We have a close, loving relationship with our children.
Although corporal punishment does not guarantee success, family unity, or good citizenship, in my family and teaching experiences I have seen it to be one common element in these areas. I think that we have let those opposing this method of discipline to use what is actually child abuse rather than spanking to convince people that a pop on the fanny would be harmful to a child physically and emotionally when it actually it might teach them that negative actions receive negative consequences.
Learn more about this author, Carrle Hopkins.
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No
There are so many parents who use corporal punishment believing it is the only thing that works, or that they were spanked when they were a kid and are fine because of it. The ironic thing of it is that even the military has "officially" claimed they no longer use corporal punishment on new recruits; though I have friends who were recently in the military who said they were choked slammed by their DI's while in boot camp.
The real question is: How often is spanking appropriate for the bad behavior? What type of behavior that a child is participating in deserves a hit as a way to "teach them a lesson?"
The act of spanking is in part a lazy tool for parents to use. If the parent is doing their job as a parent, their child would not be running into the road at the age of two, or sticking their fingers in a light socket, or throwing glass vases around the house. Childproofing when a baby is first born eliminates almost all problems that a toddler could get spanked over. Having a watchful eye keeps children out of the road. Speaking respectfully and kindly to a toddler as they grow up encourages kind respectful behavior as they age.
So why do so many parents need to hit their children to make them "learn a lesson?" Because these parents do not have the proper parenting tools to teach their children any other way. There are three types of personalities: The easy going child, the middle of the road child, and the strong willed child. Children with an easy going temperament rarely have to be spanked even if their parents believe in spanking. They obey parents regardless of how poor the parenting skills are. Easy going children do not test their parents to make sure they mean what they are saying and they aim to please the parents because they have a strong desire to do so.
Middle of the road children is somewhat compliant, yet they do test from time to time to make sure their parents mean what they say. These children do not get into trouble all the time, but occasionally will do something they have been told not to do, just to see what will happen. If they find that their parents are full of hot air and won't follow through on their punishment threats, they will often test more just to see what they can get away with, but with a desire to please their parents and gain approval they do not test everything frequently.
Strong willed children will test everything multiple times and have very little desire to please their parents. It's not that strong willed children don't love their parents, because they do. What they need is strong concrete rules that have a fair and just punishment for bad behavior. Rarely is hitting fair and just for any disorderly behavior a child might exhibit. The punishment should either be natural consequences or it should fight the bad behavior.
A person's personality type is never out grown, thus most parents who believe in spanking are either easy going temperaments or middle of the road temperaments, since they were spanked occasionally and their temperaments gave their parents some space for bad parenting. Many of these types of people are dealing with strong willed children and they don't understand that spanking a strong willed child is not going to do them any good, except to alienate their child from them.
Strong willed parents are likely to go one of two ways, either they were spanked frequently but did not have negative feelings towards the spankings because their relationship with their parents was strong, thus they will spank their children: Or they have extreme negative feelings of spanking and will never spank their children, however they will often become severely frustrated by their children and may lose their temper and spank out of habit.
I have yet to see a behavior that warrants being spanked. Most behaviors have either natural consequence such as; breaking toys, means the child loses that toy and does not get another to replace it, unless they work for it by doing chores and earning their own money to buy a new one. Or hitting another child or adult, hitting a child back for this behavior is counter productive, time outs in a quiet place by themselves for a set amount of time with a discussion on why we don't hit works much better.
Setting clear rules in the house such as: Pick up after yourself, No hitting, No swearing, No screaming at each other, No fighting, and No rude talk can be posted in a place where all can see. Sticking to these rules no matter where you go or what you are doing is the key to proper discipline (discipline means teaching not punishing!) If a child doesn't pick up after themselves they can't do anything fun until their mess is clean. Natural consequences or time outs do work, but with a strong willed child they will have to be done over and over and over again. Sometimes with a strong willed child it will seem as if they aren't learning from the "easy" punishments and some parents will want to go back to spanking, but the child is learning from the "easy" punishments, but they must test the consequences again and again to make sure they will always be the same. Inconsistency in the consequences will cause more bad behavior in the strong willed child.
Hitting does not bring a parent closer to their child, but builds resentment in their child and encourages rebellion later in their teen years. Most parents stop spanking their child once the child is big enough to fight back, what does that say about spanking. It is a tool only used to dominate over someone who is weaker and smaller to MAKE them do something you want them to do. What does that teach the child about cooperation? How many wife beaters are created through this type of punishment? We need to stop the madness of corporal punishment and start use good parenting skills rather than hitting our children to dominate over them while they are small.
Learn more about this author, Jennifer Searle.
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