No

by R Shimoda

Created on: October 04, 2011

The first word that pops into my head when I hear "rebound relationship" is "desperate".  Typically folks who participate in these short-term, unstable relationships tend to be desperate.  Normally people don't enjoy being alone and by not being in a relationship, you stifle a normal drive, namely the sex drive.  So being in a relationship is normal and the purpose is to ensure survival of the species. 

In recent years, the motivation for relationships has changed to be more of an introspective need.  More than being concerned about survival of the species, the current generation views relationships as fulfilling an emotional need, the need to avoid being alone.  Rebound relationships are a prime example of where two individuals are succumbing to an emotional need.  But is this healthy?

In my opinion, it is not.  Many times the couple are desperate enough to initially overlook traits in the other that could eventually undermine the chances of the relationship being long-term.  They will rationalize as thinking "it's okay if he smokes, I can change that later." or "It's no big deal she likes to hang out at strip clubs with the guys."  Unfortunately this thinking is very flawed and as anyone in a long term relationship will tell you, you need to accept the person as they are, defects and all.

The other thing working against rebound relationships is the timing. Typically they will occur quickly after a breakup, which leaves the couple even less time to see if they have any incompatibilities which will eventually cause a break-up.  For those who don't learn that rebound relationships aren't lasting, are doomed to go through one after another for the rest of their life or until others realize there is no such thing as a long term relationship with this person. 

If one needs examples of how bad it can be to be a chronic rebounder, should check out movie actors or perhaps singers.  Very few persons under the age of 40 have been in a relationship that spans decades.  The reason being that they just get into one relationship after another and eventually no one is interested unless it's a temporary sexual relationship.  Sociologically it is disturbing when a society condones this kind of behavior because it is symptomatic of a serious erosion in moral values.

What is the best way then to getting over a break-up?  There's an old saying "Time heals all wounds."  Get rid of everything that reminds you of the other person.  Go back to your roots, namely close friends and family and spend time with them.  Get active in charitable causes like church, Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, etc, you will find the more you help others, the less lonely you will feel.  Most of all take your time before rushing into that next relationship.  Love will always find a way.

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