No

by Carol Gioia

Created on: June 07, 2011

There is a myth surrounding only children, suggesting that they are selfish, controlling, lonely and difficult. Because only children sometimes have an abundance of material goods and parental attention, the flawed assumption follows that they are “spoiled.”

Susan Newman, author of “Parenting the only child,” concurs that a misguided notion about only children does exist. “People articulate that only children are spoiled, they’re aggressive, they’re bossy, they’re lonely, they’re maladjusted,” she says.

However, Newman discounts the myth by following up with, “There have been hundreds and hundreds of research studies showing that only children are no different than their peers.”

Indeed, if children, onlies or otherwise, are “spoiled,” one can look to the parents for the reason. If parents are indulgent, their children are apt to be overindulged, or “spoiled,” whether the family consists of one child or many.

Only children have the advantage of not having to vie with siblings for parental time and attention. As a result, they often tend to perform well in school, demonstrate a certain maturity, possess empathy and good communication skills; all positive traits acquired due to the parents’ ability to give more one-on-one attention during the child’s formative years.

Another factor dispelling the notion that only children deserve the universal reputation of being spoiled is the constant challenge presented to only children to “prove” themselves in the face of the popular stereotype about their single child status. The label, “Spoiled,” precedes them in any situation, be it making friends or establishing rapport with teachers, coaches and other potential mentors. Sometimes only children have to work harder to gain acceptance in any social group.

Only children might develop independence at an earlier age, since they are often out in the world, either at daycare or in preschools, not as much for the care giving as for the social interaction with peers. Families with multiple children are not apt to focus on their children’s social interaction since companionship is built in at home.

Children learn what they live. If parents are generous-spirited, positive in attitude, unselfish and loving, chances are good that their child will emulate their attitudes and behavior, adopting an unspoiled demeanor, whether that child is an only or one of several siblings.

One way to “spoil” a child is through neglect. Children who grow up without their basic needs met or lacking sufficient attention to thrive, are apt to become demanding and acquire a negative outlook on life. The natural propensity of an innocent child to be outgoing, congenial and a pleasure to be around is “spoiled,” or replaced with greed, jealousy and an aggressive, focused desire for the things missing in their life. Children who do not get “enough” are apt to become emotional “needy,” behaving in a manner others might describe as spoiled.

It is the responsibility of parents to develop the parenting skills necessary to ensure that their only child, or multiple children, get enough of the right kind of attention to ensure the youngster is socially acceptable and behaves in an unspoiled way.

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