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Should a marriage be saved strictly for the children's sake?
Results so far:
| Yes | 29% | 37 votes | Total: 126 votes | |
| No | 71% | 89 votes |
Yes
by Jacob Vick
Created on: February 10, 2011
A divorce is one of the hardest events a young child can be put through and it will have lasting affects on the child for the rest of his or her life. Such a dramatic change of environment and lifestyle to an individual who is still developing will leave permanent changes to both the behavior and self-esteem of the child. A marriage keeps a family together and keeps a child in the best possible environment for growth and success.
Every child has the right to the best environment possible for their developing years and they naturally deserve extreme efforts to create and preserve this healthy environment. While some couples do take larger measures to keep their marriage alive, such as marriage counseling and retreats, most couples do not take extreme measures to keep their marriage alive because they see the present situation as something that cannot be forgotten or escaped from. But every marriage has hard times and it is pushing through those difficult moments that make a marriage stronger and successful. The child's mental health and development is the top priority and the normal family arrangement provides the best chance for a child to succeed.
There is substantial evidence that a divorce puts a child through a great deal of stress and hardship that the child did nothing to deserve. Children begin to blame themselves and sink into a depression state that will carry with them for the rest of their lives. A sudden separation causes the child to believe that one of the parents does not love them enough to keep the family together and the added workload of the now single parent causes the parent's relationship with the child to be even more strained. The child will feel unloved and the younger the child the fewer relationships the child will have outside of the home to counter this new feeling. The child will then have long term difficulties with social relationships and any other connections with love.
A marriage creates the best environment for a child and a divorce causes a great deal of stress and strain on a developing young child that will be carried with the child for the rest of its life. Divorce may benefit the adults in the family who can quickly recover from a sudden change in environment but a growing child has nothing to gain from a divorce.
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No
by Patricia Burke
Created on: October 27, 2011 Last Updated: October 28, 2011
A marriage is one of the most special of relationships. The relationship that was given to us was one of promise. The promise to stay together at all cost. A sacred commitment between two people that should be honored by both parties.
With commitments comes responsibility by both parties. The responsibility to love and care for the other person just as the marriage contract has indicated we should. To love, honor, and obey one each other.
Unfortunately, that is not how a lot of our marriages turn out. Even with that, I feel that it is too easy to get a divorce. It is too easy to dissolve a lifelong contract. On the other hand, if one cannot treat his partner with respect enough to not hit her or him, they do not need to be together. No one has the right to put his or her hands on the other person.
The issue is whether or not two people try to stay together because they have one or more children. Children are very sensitive. They hear the arguing. They hear the abuse or the yelling of the drunkard. Should a child be subjected to living in that just because some people think that a child is better off with both parents? No, a child will thrive in a home of love, not confusion.
It is true that divorce is hard on children. But if you ask that child of the drunkard or abusive father if they want them to stay, most will say “no.” I know of one such person that used to speak of their life. She was embarrassed because of her father being an alcoholic. She hated listening to him batter her Mother. Most of all, she did not want to bring her friends to her home; therefore she did not have many friends. Her Mother stayed with her Father until she was 16. During that time the Father abused her.
She was happy that her Mom finally divorced her Dad. She wished she had divorced her husband sooner.
When you think you are trying to save your marriage for your children, think about what you are doing and why. Make sure it is not for yourself that you are hanging on to that marriage. If it cannot be saved, let it go and let your children get on with their life. Given love, children will bounce back. They are stronger than you think.
Learn more about this author, Patricia Burke.
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