Yes

by Cindy Woods

Created on: February 04, 2011

I don't know if the state necessarily has the right to separate married couples in cases of domestic violence but I think there are times when it should be able to do so.

Having been in an abusive relationship for over 14 years, it might have made it easier for me to get out sooner than I did.  Part of that state imposed separation would have to include mandated domestic violence counseling for both parties.

There should be some kind of guideline as to how the counseling and mediation should go depending on whether it was a first offense or something that has happened more than once.

Having experienced domestic violence personally I can say it is very difficult for the abused partner to get away from their abuser on their own. Especially if there are children involved and the victim relies on the abuser for their source of financial support.

Most times the abused person believes the sorrow filled pleas of the abuser not to leave because they will never do it again. Or the blame the abuser puts on the victim saying if they just had not made them so mad or been so difficult he or she would not have had to resort to hitting. Or even worse, making the victim feel as if they deserve to be treated badly because they are not worth treating well.

Even after the second and third instance the victim will still find it within them to forgive and hold out hope that “this” time will be the last and the abuser really is sorry and didn’t mean it or just couldn’t help it. The victim will in most cases even be unwilling emotionally to accept that this is kind of treatment is unacceptable or not normal. Most abuse victims have grown up in homes where domestic violence was the norm. There are even times the victim believes the lie that the abuser just loves them so much they can’t help it.

Until someone steps in and educates those involved on the cycle of abuse, helping them to understand this kind of behavior has absolutely nothing to do with love, it can take years for some to reach the point of decision to leave. Unfortunately there are those who end up being killed while waiting for their abuser to change.

If the state was legally able to step in and force a separation in cases where there is especially severe physical abuse, it could save lives in the end. However, this could potentially cause a misuse of power unless there are some checks and balances set within the guidelines for the state to step in and do this.

There would have to be actual physical evidence of abuse. I say this because I have known instances of false reporting done only out of revenge.

Of course in those instances when the victim ends up in the hospital, there should be no question whether or not the abuser should go to jail, without bail! In severe reported cases there are usually arrests made, and restraining orders placed as well as court ordered anger management/domestic violence counseling. The state in these types of cases should have the power to order at least a six month to a year separation of the couple to allow time for counseling to actually work.

I know it does seem as if giving the state the right to force a married couple into a separation as being another step to removing more of our freedoms to chose, even if we choose to live with someone who might eventually kill us.

I don’t believe the state should have any kind of absolute control, having the ability to arbitrarily force separation in all domestic violence relationships, again there would have to be some kind of guidelines that have to be followed so as to keep the absolute power and control from infringing on our American right to freedom.

Like I said, some kind of intervention like this can help those who want to get out but are afraid for their lives to get out. It could also help to educate and undo the emotional damage caused by domestic violence that keeps the victim in bondage believing they are at fault or not worthy to be treated with respect.

One more thing, should the domestic violence involve children who are being hurt, those children should be immediately removed from that situation, and not allowed to return to the home until there has been extensive anger management and counseling. And some kind of actual proof the abuser has truly been helped and change or the parent who is not the abuser had left or made sure the abuser is completely out of the home to stay.

It’s a complex idea allowing the state to do this; there are many pros and cons for both sides. In the mean time, there needs to be more education on domestic violence available, and this topic should be taught in schools so our children will not go on to repeat the cycle of violence.

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