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Should premarital classes be mandatory requirement for a marriage license?
Results so far:
| Yes | 46% | 22 votes | Total: 48 votes | |
| No | 54% | 26 votes |
Yes
by Ed Ostrom
Created on: January 16, 2011
Having spent over thirty five years in ministry I strongly believe that pre-marital counseling ought to be required for all couples seeking to be married. Through out the years of my ministry I received dozens of requests to perform marriage ceremonies for many different people. I often was able to “weed out" requests because I made it a personal requirement that I would not marry anyone who had not gone through a pre-marital counseling course.
Throughout my life I think I have performed less than a dozen wedding ceremonies, including three for my own children. I found that the pre-marital counseling strengthened couples entering into marriage and prepared them for the challenges, problems and struggles of married life.
So many couples today enter into marriage thinking it will be a time of excitement, and the “Hollywood glow of happy ever after.” But the reality is that the glow often is over by the time the honeymoon is completed. The fluff of the sparking fireworks and the joy of the early days of marriage do not have enough vim and vigor to carry the couple very far along in the relationship. The early joy soon runs headlong at breakneck speed into the brick wall of reality. Soon newly wed couples find out that day to day living involves the hard work of trying to meld two strong personalities into one. The bride will have her ideas, her plans, her will, her idiosyncrasies, which will clash with the groom’s plans, methods, will, ideas and actions. There will be the every day problems such as toilet seats, toothpaste tubes and countless other little things which can become bombs threatening to blow up the whole relationship.
Couples need to be prepared to face the reality of living together. I believe that Pre Marital Counseling helps to address these struggles. The Pre Marital Counseling Sessions give the couple opportunity to plan for and work on difficulties that will confront them in the early days of marriage. These sessions will give the couple tools to enhance their relationship, and help them with problem solving. The sessions will help them address potential problems in the safety of the counseling room prior to having to face it in the crucible of marriage.
Recently as I was surfing through my radio dial I heard two men talking about Pre marital counseling and they said that recent studies show that people taking Pre Marital counseling are 30% more likely not to suffer the problems of divorce. Pre Marital Counseling has a way of damage proofing relationships.
Pre Marital Counseling deals with the individual expectations of those entering into marriage. It will deal with commitment issues, finances, communication, intimacy and problem solving. Pre Marital counseling will supply tools that will enhance the relationship and help ensure its longevity.
I believe that Pre Marital counseling should be mandatory for all couples prior to obtaining the marriage license.
Learn more about this author, Ed Ostrom.
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No
by Tim Stone
Created on: January 20, 2011
With more than half of all marriages ending in divorce, I believe pre-marriage counseling can be a positive tool in correcting that trend. That being said, making it mandatory is not the answer. As a minister, I require most couples I marry to undergo marriage counseling prior to marriage. While that is a personal preference of mine, the couple maintains the freedom to choose another minister or JP to marry them if they decide not to go through pre-marriage counseling. In my opinion, it is necessary for that option to always be available and the choice to always reside with the couple. It is my experience that when you require someone to do something that’s not really in their heart to do, the results are generally minimal. Whether its rehab from chemical dependency, anger management classes, marriage counseling etc., when forced to do it against one’s will it is generally a futile endeavor.
Sure, if it was made mandatory you may be able to get individuals to sit down and go through classes. That may make some feel good about the fact that they’ve created a system by which they are able to disseminate information. Educating people requires more than that. It is necessary for the “student” to desire the education. So, if the goal is simply to get the masses to sit in a room in order to pass along information then, making pre-marriage counseling mandatory is the route to go. In my opinion that is a waste of time, money, and energy. It is little more than going through the motions. If the goal, however, is to educate couples and to help them develop relational skills that will in turn benefit their marriage, then making it mandatory will not prove to be successful.
One might argue that educating couples on the importance of needing pre-marriage counseling, should be the focus of any effort to help make some positive strides in making marriages healthier. With that in mind, an alternative to making pre-marriage counseling mandatory might be to offer information about the benefits of pre-marriage counseling to couples prior to marriage. While I’m not sure what would prove to be the best way of accomplishing this task the point remains that until individuals see the value of this type of education, it will do little for them.
I, like most individuals, would love to see the divorce rate decline and for marriages to be healthy. I know from my experience that pre-marriage counseling as well as ongoing marriage counseling can prove to be a great benefit to couples. That benefit, however, is always dependent on the willingness of the individuals to learn and then to apply what they’ve learn. I don’t doubt that those who favor making this type of education mandatory believe it could be helpful. However, my experience tells me that it will do little in fixing the problem.
Learn more about this author, Tim Stone.
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