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Should you accept unwanted holiday presents gracefully or be brutally honest?
Results so far:
| Graceful | 93% | 418 votes | Total: 451 votes | |
| Brutal | 7% | 33 votes |
Graceful
by Sylvia Harrison
Created on: October 30, 2011
There is a time to be brutally honest, but when gifted during the holiday season is not one of them.
Remember the old adage: "It's the thought that counts". Too many of those "adages" have gone by the wayside, leaving in their wake people who don't appreciate the little things that life gives them, such as people who care enough to by presents, holidays or not.
Not all, but most people, put a lot of thought into the buying of presents. There intention is usually to present someone they care about with something they feel that person would like. They spend a lot of time and money coming up with that special gift. Being brutally honest because the gift is not what you might have wished for yourself, is being brutal in the extreme.
When someone cares enough about you to spend the time and money to buy something they feel is special and present it to you, you should accept that gift gratefully and gracefully, whether you are exceedingly happy with the gift or not. You should feel grateful that you have someone who cares enough to present you with a gift and graceful in the way you accept it.
If you never wish to put the item to use, that is your business. They really need never know. If the color is wrong, the sizing off, and the person will not be offended, trade the item in for a color more to your liking and a size that will fit accordingly. But, if you feel the person gifting would be disappointed with a trade in the item they purchased for you, by all means, let it go.
It would be nice, if your gift was clothing, that you "appear" in the item at least once so the gifter can see his thoughtfulness is appreciated. It is not mandatory, of course.
If the item was something to display and you really do not care for it or it does not go with the decor you already have in your rooms, put the item away for now and bring it out when you expect the presenter to be around to see it. That, in itself, may seem cruel and hypocritical, but it will mean a lot to the gifter to know that you do put the item to good use.
No one can make another accept presents gracefully or keep them from being brutally honest. But another old adage that seems to have gone from our minds is the one that says, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". In other words, imagine your own feelings if someone you tried to do something nice for was brutally honest with you in negative ways.
Think about it. And think hard. Are the feelings of a friend, coworker, or relative really not important to you? Put yourself in their place, just for a moment. And, if in the end, you can't bring yourself to be gracefully accepting of an unwanted gift, maybe you should just give it back, hurt your friend or family member, and live happily ever after in your own little world. I know you would not fit well in mine.
Learn more about this author, Sylvia Harrison.
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Brutal
by David Hau
Created on: January 03, 2011
You are standing there in your doorway, watching as your relatives pull up in your driveway and wave to you with cheerful smiles on their faces. You wave back to them with an equally merry grin, and you go out to embrace your sister, whom you haven't seen in a year, and your beloved grandma, whose pinches hurt as much as ever. Inside the house, your relatives urge you to quickly open the presents that they have brought you and your family, and you concede to their demands after a show of protest. As the wrapping paper falls away, however, you find yourself hard-pressed to maintain your exuberant smile - "What is this thing?" you think to yourself. "Some kind of antique watering can?" You may be tempted at this point to hide your true feelings and thank your relatives profusely for their "generous gift," but it is a much better idea to tell them the cold, hard truth.
For starters, the people around you (and your family especially) probably know you better than you think they do. Even if you think you're giving them a fully convincing show complete with pleased laughs and warm hugs, it is very possible that they know the whole time that you are just being polite. This leads to an awkward atmosphere descending on the whole gathering, an atmosphere that, if you're unlucky, will extend to your everyday relationship with the gift-giver. It is a much better idea to simply tell the gift-giver that this item is simply not what you are looking for or are interested in. You provide this person with more accurate information about yourself (so that they can, if they wish, get you a present in the future that is more to your liking), you diffuse the otherwise tense situation, and you more likely than not gain the other person's respect for your honesty.
Now let us assume that you have foolishly accepted the trinket or antiquity, and are nervously eyeing it as the gathering disbands. What do you do with it now? There is really nothing you can do that can prevent the possible repercussions of your actions - consequences that are many times worse than the temporary dislike you may have been subjected to if you had just been honest about your feelings. Consider the possible courses of action that you may take: utilize the item, throw away the item, bury the item in your closet/storage space, or re-gift the item. All of these choices are as bad as the next. The first action, using the item in your daily life out of respect to the gift-giver, may seem like a favorable course of action that results in no harm; in truth, however, there is one person being harmed - you. You know that you don't like this gift, and using it just doesn't seem like it is of your own volition. If you keep forcing yourself to keep that item around, you may even begin to hate the person who kindheartedly gave you that gift, ruining your relationship with that person - all because of your own unwillingness to tell the truth! If you think that throwing the item away or putting it in your closet is a better solution, what will you do if the gift giver visits you one day and is hurt to see that their gift has been thrown by the wayside? You did not mean to insult them that way, of course. yet the dichotomy between your actions when they gave you the gift and afterwards make it seem as if you are purposely trying to hurt them. And re-gifting is the most dangerous practice of all: the chances that your benefactor realizes you gave away their gift rises exponentially when you re-gift, and if you are found out, you will not only have hurt the person who gave you the gift, but you will also label yourself as a re-gifter in the eyes of all future gift-givers. Re-gifters are rather ignominious in our society today, and nobody likes to give gifts to a re-gifter.
So the next time you are confronted with this dilemma of whether or not to gracefully accept a horrible present, save yourself the future tears and headaches: just be honest.
Learn more about this author, David Hau.
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