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by Ali Koomen

Created on: December 03, 2010

There are few traditions more satisfying than sitting down at the breakfast table, hot cup of joe in front of you, while reading the morning paper.  Even the ritual of going out to pick up the paper is ultimately satisfying: if the paper is dry and exactly where it is supposed to be, you know it’s going to be a good day.  On the other hand, if the paper delivery guy tossed it into the bushes, or right in the middle of a mud puddle, or twenty feet down the driveway so that you must instantly make the decision on whether to go grab your robe or run out in your undies and hope no one sees you. . . well, a day that starts that way is going to  be a trial.  Isn’t it nice to know that first thing?

There’s something so wonderfully tactile about the smell, feel and sound of a paper’s pages being turned.  The feel of the newspaper under your fingers combined with that crinkly sound gives the subliminal message ‘this thing is worth reading’—even if it isn’t.  An intelligent person knows that much of what is published  on-line is either drivel or highly opinionated.  If you sit down to read the news at your computer, surely that subliminal message is more along the lines of ‘what sort of dreck am I going to read today?’

Even if you read a reputable paper on-line, sometimes it is just a pain to navigate the website.  When the print paper says, “Story continued on page ten”, there’s something comforting about the fact that unless the layout person had a bad day, yes, the rest of that story will be right there on page ten.  There’s that slight sense of anticipation as you rifle through the pages—did the dog eat it?  Was it accidentally left out of this issue?  But no, there it is.  Take another sip of coffee and finish reading.

What about the Sunday paper?  It’s a goldmine of info and other things.  First, there’s generally a recap of the week, which comes in handy if you’ve been too busy to get caught up on the news.  There are coupons, and a television guide, and the crossword puzzles and the circular ads.  Near the holidays, it’s simply fun to pull out the ad for your favorite store, circle what you want and leave it where the right person can find it.  Takes a little of the romance out of things when you send your boyfriend an email with the link to something you saw on-line somewhere.

Isn’t it great when you or your kids make it into the paper after winning an award or doing something notable?  Of course, you’ll go out and buy copies for all the relatives. . because it’s just not the same as sending them a link they can check out on-line.  When you find that great recipe, or hear about a new restaurant to try out, it’s much easier to clip out the item, so there’s an actual reminder of it.  Just try to recall where and when you saw something on-line, if you didn’t make note of it or bookmark it.

Check out the folks reading the newspaper in the coffee shop or on the bus.  It’s possible to tell a lot about a person by the way he or she attacks the paper.  Jocks, ex-jocks or wannabe jocks head to the sports section first.  People that search for the funnies have a good sense of humor.  Checking out the stock market pages before anything else means the reader wants to see how much money he made (or lost!) yesterday.  Those who read the horoscope first might be the superstitious sort.  Those who grab the coupons are frugal.  People who prefer the crossword puzzle are no dummies. . .especially if they do it in ink.

Old-school newspapers are far better.  Just look at the editorial/opinion column.  If you are the sort who feels everyone has a right to your opinion, back in the day you actually had to sit down and write a letter to the editor, sign it with your real name, find a stamp, put it on the envelope and get it into the mail.  Check out any sound-off column on-line today, and you’ll find some of the worst grammar and spelling anywhere, complete with misogynistic turns and racial slurs.  It’s easy to be a bigoted jerk when you can remain anonymous, isn’t it? 

Sorry, there’s just no way checking out the paper on-line is better than reading an actual newspaper.  Fold the paper up and you can take it out to read anywhere, at any time—no electricity or on-line hookups required.  If the newspaper has something special in it, you can keep that issue as a memento of the occasion.  A newspaper is more than merely something to read.  Who hasn’t used newspaper to wrap breakable items during a move, to line a birdcage, to wrap a fish?  It’s really no contest. Real newspapers are hands-down better than the electronic version.  Best of all?  No pop-up ads.

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