Yes

by Casey-Leigh Hethers

Created on: October 31, 2010

Friends who do everything together will come into contact with the boyfriends/girlfriends of their friends at some point in a fledgling romance and it is possible that sparks will exist, even though you know that person is off-limits. However, what happens once your friend has broken up with that person? Are they fair game for you to flirt with and date? It all depends. The first consideration you should have is how significant was that person to your friend. If it's a case of husband/wife or fiance/fiancee then stay clear and do everyone a favour by not complicating matters.

Even in cases where relationships have lasted less than a year, it would still be advisable to seek a friend's approval before acting upon your lust for their ex. It's called common decency and is probably something you would expect (or at the very least prefer) if one of your friends wanted to date an ex of yours.You've established a mutual attraction between yourself and the friend's ex, have received the approval of your friend, and now you should just treat it as you would treat any new relationship.

Don't fall into the trap of being too familiar because you already know this person. Although you know them, you don't know what they are really like, even though you may have already heard the first hand intimate gossip from your friend. Both yourself and the other person need to establish the groundwork for a new relationship based on what works for each of you. If all goes well during the dates for two, eventually you will end up with group events where the inevitable comparisons between the old and new relationships will take place. All three of you need to be mature enough to handle the teasing, even if it is light-heart jokes passed around by friends on both sides.

One of the better advantages of dating a friend's ex mean the pair of you already know the circle of friends that each of you have. Group dates and meet-ups will be much smoother because there is no need for everyone to work through the introduction stage before finding you you clash with one of their friends or vice versa - or if either of you do, the matter has probably reached a neutral ground already. It also makes it easier on the friends for both sides as there is no unwelcome intrusion that might be resented if your new relationship involved someone who tried to steal you away from your friends.

All in all, there's nothing morally questionable about the idea of dating a friend's ex but it should not be a decision taken lightly. The feelings of three people run the risk of getting hurt - you, the friend and the ex - and before embarking on a relationship, everyone should know what they are getting into. It may also be worth considering the "what if" scenarios such as "what if your friend realises they didn't want to break up?" or any other complications that may throw a spanner in the works. Love and emotions are not always easily separated from logic.

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