Yes

by Nicole Bartelt

Created on: October 14, 2011

The pressure on teens to engage in sexual activity is greater than ever. I don't think anyone would deny that. Parents face a difficult decision on how to deal with the possibility of the teens in their lives engaging in sexual activity. What is the appropriate response? No parent wants their son or daughter to become a mother or father before they've left high school and the probability of them caving to peer pressure seems high. The temptation to protect not only the teenager but the parents from the embarrassment of an unwanted pregnancy or STDs is immense. So why would anyone think we shouldn't give teens birth control just in case? We all hope our kids know better, but let's be realistic, right?

If you are one of the many parents who would like your son or daughter to abstain from sexual activity until marriage or at least until they're no longer living under your roof, there are two main reasons why you should not provide birth control to your teenager. The first is trust. The second is natural consequences.

When we go to the trouble of telling our kids why we would like them to wait to have sex we want them to take it to heart. We want them to know that we love them and that we're looking out for their best interests. Our teens want to hear those things, but they also want us to trust them. They want us to have faith that they will make the right decisions even when we're not there to guide them. When you tell your teenager you want them to abstain from sex but see fit to give them birth control "just in case" you are sending a message that says You know what I expect, but I don’t trust you to do the right thing. Not only that, but you’re undermining your own expectations. You wouldn’t tell your kid that you expect him to come home right after school, but give him a roll of quarters just in case he stops by the arcade first.

Decisions in life have consequences. That’s Life 101. Many times we try to shield our kids from the consequences we see as unpleasant or too much for them to handle. Also, we don’t want to be saddled with responsibility for the mistakes our children make. We think that equipping them for the “inevitable” day when they cave to peer pressure means we won’t have to worry about it. However, preparing them for what you might see as the eventual succumbing to their adolescent urges by offering them condoms or getting them a prescription not only demonstrates how little faith you have in them but also gives them a false sense of protection if they do choose to have sex. Condoms break, girls absent-mindedly forget pills . . . stuff happens. In the heat of the moment, a boy might forget that condom in his wallet, or a girl might feel pressured to skip using protection. If a parent minimizes the possibility of natural consequences by providing birth control the temptation to “get away with” having sex is that much greater, and there’s no guarantee that they won’t find themselves in some kind of trouble anyway. In generations past, when birth control was not widely distributed, teen pregnancy and STDs were heard of much less because, for teens, getting “in trouble” was a much greater fear. In present day, we rely heavily on birth control methods rather than self-control methods.

There’s no way to fully ensure your teenager will choose abstinence. If a parent chooses not to cave to the temptation to dole out birth control devices, it is of utmost importance that the parent not only communicates thoroughly with their son or daughter about expectations and consequences, but that they show their teen that they trust them to make the right decisions regarding such a sacred part of life. Clear communication and trust will go a long way to help form the attitude your teen develops toward sex and toward you as a parent. Undermining that trust by offering birth control not only sends mixed messages but is far too great a risk.

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