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Is it unromantic to choose your own engagement ring?
Results so far:
| Yes | 36% | 74 votes | Total: 204 votes | |
| No | 64% | 130 votes |
Yes
by Destiny Song
Created on: June 11, 2010 Last Updated: June 15, 2010
Every woman dreams of the perfect guy, in the perfect location, holding up the perfect ring; in other words, the perfect engagement. After all, which girl never dreamt of the Prince Charming, kneeling and offering her a ring, and then sweeping her off her feet to his magnificent steed and shining castle? (Or maybe just his Lamborghini and his mansion in the hillside) The perfect engagement location is easy; embedded in every girl’s dreams, the location should be easy to decide. The perfect guy is harder; every woman has a different impression of Prince Charming, and finding him amongst the throng of men might be just a tad harder to do. But what about the perfect ring? Heirloom rings and store bought surprises are all fine and dandy; but does choosing your own engagement ring take the surprise and excitement out of the whole affair?
In this scenario, romance refers to the component of excitement found in love; or more accurately, according to the all-knowing Wikipedia, ‘Romance is a term that is described as a pleasurable feeling of excitement and wonder associated with love.’ ‘Choosing your own engagement ring’ would refer to the fiancé choosing her own ring, shopping for it with her fiancée, with, of course, the guy paying for it. We’ll assume that the drama of the engagement, the guy kneeling down at the perfect location and all that other stuff, occurs afterwards as well, with the guy planning all of it out. Now, choosing your own engagement ring might not be a bad thing, and might even be a thoughtful gesture; but it is certainly an unromantic gesture.
Why? As defined earlier, romance refers to the excitement and surprises found during the course of love and courtship. It refers to the commitment and emotion shown by regularly planning these specific surprises; the more well-planned, thoughtful and surprising a romantic gesture, the more effective it will be. Planning to surprise, excite and stir our partner’s emotions shows that we care enough and are willing to commit more, to spend the time, effort and money to plan these surprises for our beloved partner. And thus, we dub this ‘element of surprise’ in love ‘romance’, giving birth to dreams amongst young girls of a romantic, love-filled story with knights in shining armours.
So, if the fiancé chooses her own ring, where then is this element of surprise? Where is this excitement at the unknown in the engagement? The whole key point of romance is the delightful surprise and emotion-provoking response; if she chooses her own ring, where is the romance in the engagement?
Some might say that it is a thoughtful gesture to allow her to choose her own ring; after all, since she’ll be wearing it on her finger hopefully for the rest of her life, shouldn’t she have a say in the design and make of the ring? These people forget another key element in the purpose of romance and engagement; the whole point of love, is the understanding of your partner. You can afford to surprise your partner, you are willing to be engaged, simply because you already understand your partner to such an extent that the engagement is a simple expansion of your relationship, to allow for more room for improvement.
Romance not only shows that you care about your partner, but that you also understand her, that you know what she likes and dislikes. It shows that you know what she considers to be romantic, what will provoke her emotions for you, and you care enough about her to carry out the gesture. And engagement shows that you already know her as far as it is possible in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, and now wish to take the level of commitment up a notch, so that both of you can develop a higher level of understanding. If you don’t know her enough to set up the perfect engagement, to buy her the ring she always wanted and propose in the perfect location; why are you even getting engaged to a person you don’t even understand in the first place?
So, is getting the fiancé to choose her own ring unromantic? Depending on her personal preferences and dreams of the perfect engagement, getting her to choose her very own ring might not be a bad idea; it might show your thoughtfulness, and might even be what she wants. But in most cases, letting her choose your own ring simply shows you don’t know her enough; and it most definitely goes against all the normal definitions of the word ‘romance’.
Learn more about this author, Destiny Song.
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No
by Amelia Randall
Created on: June 15, 2010
If anything, choosing your own engagement ring can be very romantic. It is however up to you to make it romantic. It also saves disappointment. After all the ring is going to be on your finger for the rest of your life with that person and so it has to be something that you like and it has to go with other jewellery and bits you wear. It also has to suit your personality and although you feel your partner should know what you would like, it is so much nicer for you both if you also have a say on the ring.
If you are going shopping for a ring you can make a nice day out of it. You can go for lunch, have a nice walk around town together, quality time alone. When you get to the shop you do not have to choose the exact ring. You can choose from a number of rings which ones you like and try them on. You can then have a look in other shops and pick a few that you like.
The importance as I say is that you will be wearing it for a long time and that it stands for your love for each other. The proposal can still be a surprise. He could have proposed to you already just without the ring and that is not bad. It could still have been really romantic and down on one knee, promising to take you out for the day to pick the ring that you like. Or he can surprise you after picking the ring. He does not have to take you out straight away and propose, he can keep you on your toes and every time you go out you will be thinking this is the time he is going to propose and then you realise it is not. When he does it will bring you to tears and you will be so happy to have been able to pick the ring with him. Lets face it even a couple who know each other inside out can not get away from the fact that men generally go to a shop and walk out with the first thing they like and though it may be to your taste, there could have been better. When you have accompanied them you have taken the time to look and compare and so the ring has already increased in value to you, as there has been more time spent on it.
Learn more about this author, Amelia Randall.
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