Oppose

by Sarah Wood

Created on: June 26, 2010   Last Updated: June 29, 2010

The problems with hiding divorces from your children can be very emotionally straining on their part. It could cause mental and emotional problems throughout your relationship with your child. What will be discussed is the best ways to confront your children with the divorce. They need to understand that their are going to be differences and the problems that they might face with the other parents involved. Not every divorce ends in happiness, but if you act like adults and take responsibility for the problems that you are faced with it will not only help your relationship with your children, but it will also enhance the value of trust.

You see, children feed off of the emotions of their parents. They know when something is wrong and they feed off of that rather through their own actions or by helping you feel emotionally and mentally safer. The power of empathicy in children is amazing. Everyday I notice it with my child, when I am mad or annoyed, she begins to act up testing me farther beyond my bounderies, if I am happy and energetic we have an amazing and wonderful day, building our relationship with every minute. She learns more when I am happy and learns less when I am traumatized.

First, you need to understand the divorce itself and set boundaries between the other parent. Perhaps you might not want to socialize with the other parent, however, for the sake of the children, you may want to leave that one door open so they can continue to have a relationship with the father/mother. You cannot hide the fact that they may never want to see the children again and you cannot hide the fact from your children that you are suffering with so many emotions.

First off, you may want to pull your child aside depending on how old they are and discuss not exactly what happened, but give them an idea of sorts. The point that is made here is to be truthful as much as possible, telling them that things are going to be a little different, but you still care for and love the child that is involved. It will help build trust in your relationship depending on how truthful you can be.

The reason why some children have emotional issues from the divorce is because the majority of the time, the parents were never truthful and as human beings we can't help but be a little spiteful when divorces occur. Taking the child away from the other parent is a pure example. It isn't healthy for a child to know that one parent decided to completely take them away from building a relationship with the other parent. In reality it can cause issues between them socializing with other children and adult figures.

For all parties involved, you may want to set boundaries about the discussion of the divorce. You may want to tell friends and family members to keep it between themselves when your children are around them. You may want to see a counselor, which by the way many services are free or you might want to have a family counselor if you do not feel safe with the other parent in the same room.

In conclusion, the most important thing is to build a trust and truthful relationship with your child. If you hide things from them they will know and in return, it will back fire on your part. If the child is old enough to make the decision to see a parent, you may want to ask them personally how would they like their visitations set up. Also, you may want to let the other parent be aware that you hope they continue the same disciplinary responsibilities that they faced when you both were living together. Having discipline plans and the same rules can help you and the parent tremendously. Your child will thank you in the end for the time and energy you put into helping both parents relationships work. 

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