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Should women be legally allowed to deny visitation because of unpaid child support?
Results so far:
| Yes | 54% | 188 votes | Total: 350 votes | |
| No | 46% | 162 votes |
Yes
by Sarah Wood
Created on: June 30, 2010 Last Updated: July 02, 2010
This article portrays to both sexes and hopes to help understand the reason for child support. I believe and will have to say yes to this question because if one parent has been taking care of the child for most of their life and has not received any help from the other parent than I would have to say yes their needs to be punishment for not helping raise the child. Now, keep in mind throughout this article I will be talking about both the mother and father as well the responsibilities of either sex.
Let me explain on my experience with this: I have been raising my two year old daughter for over a 2 years now by myself. I have not received any child support from her father or help other than getting in a lot of debt because of him. I am only 21 and I have debt over 10,000 dollars because of his constant nagging about getting credit cards in my name. Now, I'm a girl that can be very pushy and I have a huge anger problem or did at that point of time. Now he is in prison for drug use and burglary, he is expected to come out in September or December. I allow visitation with my daughter to him only one day of the week, not any more and not any less. His parents take her to see him every week because right now I am not mentally prepared to deal with him anymore.
Now let me explain to you another story of a good friend of mine. He is 28 year old and has a beautiful little girl who is a year old. The relationship with the child's mother was constantly damaged over four years of them being together because the mother cheated on the father over 100 times. She would also take money out of his account all the time and use to buy drugs as much as she could. Now he has a very gullible personality so he still wanted to continue their relationship because he truly did love her much like how i loved boyfriend at the time. The mother than proceeded to move to Utah with a man that she had never met before other than from the chat rooms. She is lazy and can't even take care of herself let alone a child at that. Currently the father is seeking all rights to the baby so the baby will not get hurt in the future by her mother.
Okay now that I have two examples for you coming from both a single father and a single mother, let's get to the bottom of this. It depends on the situation and how much that person wants to be in the child's life. My ex-boyfriend continues to say that he has changed and devoloped into a better person. I told his parents that while I may not take away my daughter from him, I will however, put down rules and regulations that he has to follow. If he doesn't give me money every month I will slowly drop the visitation to where it's only an hour a day or none at all because he is not obviously working on taking care of her. Raising a kid is not an easy thing to do by yourself. It requires being able to afford day care, rent, food, and formula as well as doctor and dental bills for the child. If the other parent (no matter what their sex is) is not putting forth at least fifty bucks a month or more to help out with diapers or other essentials like gas and food, than they are obviously not wanting to change for the better.
While you have been slaving yourself away they are just sitting on the butts thinking that you are eventually going to allow them to see your child without any costs and that's not that way how it works. Both parents need to take responsibility and if neither one of them does than steps need to be taken to ensure that the parent wants to truly be in their lives. Also, time comes into play with these visitations. If the other parent is late almost every time you set up a visitation and it is not due to responsible reasons other than just being late and sleeping in, they are obviously loosing interest in the child. If they are constantly saying no to helping you out with a few bucks every once in a while even if it's just five dollars for gas or food, than obviously they do not care. If they are leaving the child alone or leaving the child with someone you don't trust than that is endangering the child.
Basically it really comes down to the responsibilities of the parent(s) at play. Who is taking care of the child most often? Who is paying the most bills? Who has to worry about finding daycares, babysitters, doctors and dentists? Who is taking them to the visitations? If the other parent is not understanding on the factor no matter how much you present the idea either in a way they understand or by talking to them than obviously something needs to change for the safety and health of the child.
Learn more about this author, Sarah Wood.
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No
by Kailey White
Created on: January 30, 2011
The presence of the father in the child's life is the undeniable birthright of every child, and should never be subject to financial considerations.
A woman who is denying father's visitation because of unpaid child support is actually denying her own child the very right to have his parent present in his life, and could set a series of dangerous social norms in our already money-oriented society. Most of us feel that is only fair that both parents should take responsibility for their offspring; most divorced mothers are making huge sacrifices for their kids sake, even when the father is willing to fulfill his part of the deal. The mother forced to face everything by herself could feel devastating amounts of resentment and frustration toward the ditching father, and by rights. But before raising the punishing sword, there are more things who need to be considered, and a hurt, overwhelmed single mother is not always the most objective person to make those judgements.
What if the father is going through temporary financial difficulties? What if he can afford to pay the child support only partially? From what amount of money should he be allowed to visit the kids? Should a mother be allowed to "sell" her previous partner amounts of time with his children ? And by extent, if a divorced parent needs to meet certain financial standards in order to see his kids, should the non-divorced parents earning bellow that standard lose their children too? Poor parents should be loved less by their kids? The above mentioned circumstances are a bit extreme, of course, but they are only meant to point out the vast implications such a law could have in our social life, and especially in our children life.
As condemnable as it is, the father refusal to support his offspring is not a valid argument in removing the parent from the child's life. Under any circumstances should the mother forget that her main concern must be the child well-being, material and emotional, and whatever action she takes against the father is going to correspondingly affect the infant. If the father is not abusive, violent, mentally disturbed, or harmful in any way to the child, then his place is with his kid, whether he pays for it or not.
Even more, the only hope to bring the father to reason is to allow him to maintain a lively relationship with his infants. Just as the mother emerge from the painful process of divorce feeling hurt and betrayed, the father also have too face a difficult time. He may feel that his family has been taken from him, so his sense of loss might be stronger. He's no longer in control, no longer the head of the family; he might feel used, as everything he's left with from his previous life is the limited visit time and an amount of money to pay. Just as the mother would love to punish someone for the mess of a broken relationship, the father feels the same. Permitting him to continue to be part of his children' life might be the only way to show him he is still their father, and make him understand that a father's responsibilities are still included in the deal.
Maybe the unwilling to pay father is ready to help in other ways. It might be that he is not ready to give a fixed amount of money, but he can take the kids out, buy them clothes, pay the extra-scholar activities. Every situation is different, and the mother should consider it carefully and make the best of it. But the first condition is to allow him to be present, to acknowledge his children needs.
Watching a father enjoying his time with the children, all the while he evades his financial responsibilities could be an ordeal for the struggling mother. But with tact and an understanding heart, the mother should be aware that she is actually allowing her kids to enjoy their father; and is probably the most valuable sacrifice she could do for them, a priceless gift who will not be forgotten when they will be grown enough to realize that. The wisdom and compassion in women's heart are the very reason they are our mothers, and are forever embedded in their children mind. And this is one of those times when a woman should let her wisdom and love for her kids shine through.
Learn more about this author, Kailey White.
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